Goodbye

[Delta40]

I keep a view of you
on my horizon
while my rocking chair creaks
like my Grandmother's bones
and the neigbour's dog barks
out it's lonely backyard existence
The only sign I have feelings
within me
is a spluttering smokers cough
as you disappear into the sun
its glorious evening blaze
spilling a golden trail
to a destination far more tempting
than when you look back
and see me in the distance

[zoolane]

Wow I am feeling sense loss and grief in here to.

[Jack of Hearts]

Feel-good poem of the year.

zoo is right about picking up on those things. And of course, aside from being left behind, there's always the feeling of being the worse or least desired option.








J

[sunshinefish]

Hi
I liked this poem and felt its sadness. I thought it would make it easier to read if some punctuation was added. But it is a beautiful poem.

[MystyrMystyry]

Well expressed Delta - a nostalgia clenches my senses for a lonely time long ago.

[blank|verse]

These outstanding images were the highlights of the poem for me:

my rocking chair creaks
like my Grandmother's bones
and the neigbour's dog barks
out it's lonely backyard existence
And the sun literally paving the road with gold gives us the world from the other's perspective - good use of free indirect style, as the prosey lot say!

(Typos: "its" for "it's" in the passage above, and at the start of line 11 "it's glorious evening"; and you can use one of the apostophes and put it in "smokers cough"! :))

Have you read any poems by David Campbell? I was recently introduced to his work, and (if you haven't read it) I'm sure you'd appreciate his vivid depictions of the Aussie outback.

[Haunted]

Have trouble with "The only sign I have feelings / within me", the way it reads. It truncates what is a triumph of a poem in showing that when someone dies, it's the survivor who suffers.