Pineapple Game

[Jack of Hearts]

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[billl]

Might be non-fiction, but it almost sounds like it could've been ripped from the pages of Steve Martin's Cruel Shoes. Magic studded with disconcertingly located cheap laughs--or, rather, made from them.

[Jack of Hearts]

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[Jack of Hearts]

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[hillwalker]

Your AP teacher must be hard to please - it's all good stuff. Not perfect, but certainly readable.

H

[Jack of Hearts]

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[AuntShecky]

Both of these are entertaining to read. Contrary to your self-assessment, the second posting is just as humorous as the first. The pineapple must be the fruit of choice -- last year it was in the title of some druggie comedy and on Psych!, an amusing show on one of the "off-brand" cable channels, viewers compete over spotting the pineapple bizarrely placed in one of the sets of each weekly episode.

One noteworthy feature of both pieces is the choice of subject matter. In most examples of student writing, there seems to be a dreary uniformity about subject matter-- we can't blame the writers for writing about themselves or their classmates, but seldom does the story break out of the same old, same old themes: young love (blossoming or fading away), peer pressure, difficulties with parents, teachers, various authority figures, ad nauseam. These two stories step off the beaten path in a way by writing about writing about a young man working at his part-time job.l

If you haven't read it already, look in the anthologies you may have or try an online search for "The A & P" by John Updike. That short story is over 50 years old, but still resonant.

[Alexander III]

I liked both of them, the second one seemed a bit rougher around the edged but I found both enteratining and rather funny.

I really like the dialogue, almost all dialogue seems artificial, but you get a sense of truth from your dialogue, it's how people speak and it makes everything feel truer.

[Jack of Hearts]

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[Darcy88]

Thanks Alexander! This reader must admit he didn't write the second piece with the intention of being funny... but if it is, well, good. That was such an awkward time, 17 years old.

Five years ago. Where'd they go!!





J

I'm about the same age as you (23). The stories I wrote at 17 were a whole heck of a lot more awkward and painful to read than these you wrote. You should be proud of them. They show a lot of potential. Keep writing!

[Jack of Hearts]

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[Varenne Rodin]

I loved when you said "I hate pineapple game." It was so easy to read. I wanted to read more with every line. These are my favorite kinds of stories.

[Jack of Hearts]

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