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cafolini
11-15-2011, 04:28 PM
Soul and body are the same
So guess the meaning of the game;
Confuse the two and you are proven dead
For well before you can do that
You have to split it; gone like mad
And soon ask your living hell
A soul that slumbers's a body's wealth?
Buh4Bee
11-15-2011, 06:02 PM
AS a Christian I just can't agree.
hillwalker
11-16-2011, 02:41 PM
Regardless of any religious opinions this is a bit of a mess - logically and grammatically. I'm also struggling to see anything poetic about it apart from two words that rhyme at the end of line 1 and 2.

H
cafolini
11-16-2011, 02:55 PM
AS a Christian I just can't agree.

Of course. Why would I argue with that obvious theme?
cafolini
11-16-2011, 02:59 PM
Regardless of any religious opinions this is a bit of a mess - logically and grammatically. I'm also struggling to see anything poetic about it apart from two words that rhyme at the end of line 1 and 2.

H

I know. Very little poetical value as a form. The only poetical bit in it is my contention that soul and body are the same. I don't see existence and being as separate from occurrence, except in the formulation. But I also see a hellish problem in the split. I don't see any grammar mess with it that's not a matter of interpretation, but I realize that there are other ways of putting it.
Thanks for the comment.
Buh4Bee
11-16-2011, 09:50 PM
Sorry, should comment on the poem and not my own personal belief. Wrong place for such comments. Not looking for an argument here.
YesNo
11-16-2011, 10:30 PM
What does "Confuse the two and you are proven dead" mean?
Jack of Hearts
11-17-2011, 12:38 AM
Soul and body are the same
So guess the meaning of the game;
Confuse the two and you are proven dead
For well before you can do that
You have to split it; gone like mad
And soon ask your living hell
A soul that slumbers's a body's wealth?

This reader has a hard time with this. Is it a poem or a very quick argument? There's plenty of literature in the world that says the soul and body are the same thing and it's very dry and boring. This reader knows; he's had to read it. But why does it matter? More importantly, why does it matter to you? This reader is intensely interested in your poetry if you choose to show us how the world looks to you.

And as Nietzschean as this reads, perhaps you think there is no world and just your perspective. Even better, because that's the good stuff.

Now give it.







J
hillwalker
11-17-2011, 09:34 AM
I don't see any grammar mess with it that's not a matter of interpretation.

gone like mad
And soon ask your living hell
A soul that slumbers's a body's wealth?

is the mess I'm refering to - the grammar, the punctuation, and what it's supposed to mean - I don't know where to start...

H