4 Shorts

[Hawkman]

Missing

I cannot feel
I’ve lost my touch
I’m the rabbit in an empty hutch.

*****

Going Without

Sun burns
Wind chills
Water wets
Earth fills

No news
Good news
Silence soothes –
Hope you don’t walk by.

*****

Below the Radar

You’re a stealth fighter,
the fifth column in the heart,
who chips away at confidence
and bleeds away all art.

*****

Picking Over the Remnants

You, self-servant at the deli,
gorge to fill your vulture belly.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I don't much like the supercilious petulance of the last of these but each of them is an exemplar of pithiness.

[Jack of Hearts]

This is much different than your usual stuff, Hawk. This is an exciting direction for you to go in.

This reader is eyeing those first two suspiciously.

But Below the Radar features some interesting language, and for the last poem, 'vulture belly' might be the crown jewel of all the offerings.







J

[Haunted]

What happened to the Hawk of Humorland?

Missing — aw

Going Without — ouch

Below the Radar — who me?

Picking Over the Remnants — Do as the Hawk does :D

[Hawkman]

Prince: Hi, thanks, and glad you approve of pithiness :D With regard to the last one, maybe you're reading it form the wrong perspective ;)

Jack: Suspicion? About what, I wonder... Anyway, happy to have given you something to get excited about :D Actually the first one was definitely an attempt to emulate Roger McGough. I can actually hear his voice when I read it, so I think I did quite well. You wouldn't believe where the idea for the second one came from, though that certainly had no bearing on the theme. Delighted you approve of the vulture belly :D

Haunted: You mean they're not funny?

Missing - shucks

Going without - phew!

Below the Radar - you wish! - :devil:

Picking Over the Remnants - Burrrp! :D

Thanks one and all - Live and be well - H

[blank|verse]

I think the form of these works well, and it's good to read something different, Hawk.

The last two do seem a bit angst-ridden though, aimed at this unidentified 'other'.

And I'm not keen on the last line of 'Going Without'. The rest adheres to two stresses per line very well (although the first stanza does seem a bit too much of an exercise in ticking off the elements) but the last line falls flat, and the sudden appearance of the 'you' seems a bit of an easy get-out.

But I think you should keep chipping away with these shorter forms.

[Hawkman]

Thanks b/v, I tend to knock these shorts off every so often and save them up. When I've another crop full I'll cast them up for dissection :D

LLAP - H

[Jerrybaldy]

I like to think you have a notebook that you scribble in whilst being dive bombed by feathered friends and this was taken directly from it. deceptively well done old(ish) friend.

[Hawkman]

Watcher, JB. Nice to see you flitting by and thanks for reading. I'm afraid I just don't get on with notebooks because my handwriting is awful. It was destroyed by taking dictation and writing Morse at 20wpm. So much easier to type, even though my right hand tends to get ahead of my left, but the spell checker catches most of the typos lol.

Live and be well - H