We March To War!

[ShadowsCool]

We march: left, right, left
We trained for war
The enemy close at hand.

We march past banners
They wave flags in our face
With cheery eyes filled with goodwill.

We off to war, we serious,
We trained to kill
An enemy unknown.

We become exempt
From prosecutions,
The politicians signed us off.

They made us a law
It's our fight for pride,
Our country, our officials.

They going to grand meetings
Important places, talking strategy
Far from action.

We going off to war, our war
Within our mind, our good war
That's what they say.

We are trained robots
Doing as they say
Taking it to the enemy.

The enemy is us
We can't find him
He lives within us.

We start to train
Boot camp in the rain
We ship out partially insane.

With their banners in our face
They all say good things
They all mean well.

They go back to home,
They say their daily prayers,
They pray hard for us.

We go back to barracks
We ship out Thursday
We ready to go

To meet the enemy
We always knew
We brought our mirrors
To see him too.

[Buh4Bee]

This is what I think- it's a great story, but the form isn't so great. Does it really matter? Isn't this your hobby? I think that this is a finished poem though. It just seems like it's done and comes as is.

I'm from Jersey... are you on the coast or from the north Jersey or south Jersey? If you care to say. I know people like to keep anonymous here.

[ShadowsCool]

This is what I think- it's a great story, but the form isn't so great. Does it really matter? Isn't this your hobby? I think that this is a finished poem though. It just seems like it's done and comes as is.

I'm from Jersey... are you on the coast or from the north Jersey or south Jersey? If you care to say. I know people like to keep anonymous here.

Spot on! It is a clumsy piece. I don't have the willpower to set it right. It is what it is, a reflective war chant; though the cadence is quite poor. I wrote it fairly quick with minimal revisions. It's supposed to be from a (simple) soldiers point of view, who discovers that the enemy really is within.

I'm from North Jersey. Live in Bergen County. Though originally I'm from Queens New York. Thanks for asking Buh4Bee.

Shadows

[cafolini]

I think we have to have a very good defense and resources precisely because you must have the right to write a naive poem like this as you develop. I'll defend your right above all else.