the street singer

[rajesh]

plz can any one write a brief notes on this poem. what is the use of 'hopeless hope'' in the seventh line.
the street singer

she sings a pious ballad wearily
her shivering body creeps on painful feet
along the muddy runlets of the street
the damp is in her throat she coughs to free
the cracked and husky notes that tear her chest

from side to side she looks with eyes that grope
feverishly hungering in a hopeless hope
for pence that will not come, and pence mean rest
the rest that pain may steal at night from sleep

the rest that hunger gives when satisfied
her fingers twitch to handle them,she sings
shriller, her eyes , too hot with tears o weep
fasten upon a window where ,inside
a sweet voice mocks her with its carollings.

[Jack of Hearts]

This reader will start with what he thought were the poem's weak spots. It needs an edit on about every level it can be edited (spelling, grammar, syntax etc). It could also be whittled down in terms of extraneous verbage. Finally, at parts the pathos is too heavy handed in the tone of the writing itself.

But for all that, there is much more right with it. You're in a good way if you continue working on this path, this reader thinks. For one, the poem is very descriptive. It's not ambiguous. It's not choking to death on an ugly form or forced rhyme scheme. These were fantastic decisions on your part, in this reader's opinion.

A little TLC could go a long way with this one.







J

[Haunted]

"tears o weep" — perhaps you can say it like it is without trying to be pompously Old/Middle English? I don't know what it means.

Otherwise the language paints a painful picture of a down and out street performer who I can definitely feel for. Great start.

[Buh4Bee]

I really like a good story and this one tells one. The floral writing does create an almost operatic scene. One scene that could be amongst many. I don't mind the writing, in fact, I like this style of writing. I think the last stanza could use some editing. This could be really good.