The Final Ballad

[AsianGuy1137]

Well, it is the season so I thought I might attempt to be poetic about the weather instead of just talking about it.

The sunlight sets by autumn’s dawn
That summer leaves fade and fall upon
In graceful swirls of arabesque
Whirling, twirling, and twisting on
The closing act for winter’s recess.

The golden streaks of radiant stains
Flow throughout their auburn veins
Circulating through the crackling stems
Of vitality fading, flowing to abstain
Time’s endless ebb for life condemned.

One final flourish, one final flaunt
Lies in the wake of death’s transient taunt
The fluttering minuet comes to cease
The allegro slows, the cadenza haunts
Foreshadowing shadows of the reaper’s tease.

Touching the ground with its final stride
The leaf tears and echoes its final cry
With whispers lost between the season’s shift
Passing from the glory and apex of life
Into a lifeless and eternal drift.

[hillwalker]

There's a wealth of images here but I think you have overdone it. It reads like a list of expressions that could be applied to autumn/winter rather than a cohesive poem.

If you actually try to read this out loud you will hopefully come to realise how many times it stumbles. It's poetic enough - some original rhyming that isn't too obtrusive, and some delicate alliteration - but it's too cluttered. Poetry is meant to flow - this doesn't.

H

[Jack of Hearts]

This first thing this reader thought was that it contained some really nice descriptions. But almost without fail, the last two lines of each stanza are working in the opposite direction- after reading through the description, they come like 'telling' stinkers.

But still, some of this was pretty good to read- it has its moments.






J

[Alexander III]

Sounds to much like poetry, in a bad way. Like this poem has no creator it is just a poem which came out of a textbook, it lacks a spark it lacks a human it lacks that which makes the word poetry come alive.