and we have only our love to give

[expressionism]

0.11.2011
~

and we have only our love to give
the mountains fall
the seas dry up
the night would call
the heart would stop

and we have only our love to give
the things we say
and hold at bay
what we believe
that we breathe

and we have only our love to give
the starry sky
asking why
again to try
again to cry

and we have only our love to give

[Jack of Hearts]

When spoken aloud, this sounds pretty good. But this reader isn't convinced it has a cohesive meaning- maybe that's what you sacrificed for the aural effects? There are lines that show the start of interesting imagery or description but that are either overly condensed or cut short to keep with the form.

This reader concludes that there is a lot of promise here being strangled by presentation.






J

[Buh4Bee]

This is a nice poem. It's not pretensions - a simple poem with a simple message.

This is the strongest stanza:
and we have only our love to give
the things we say
and hold at bay
what we believe
that we breathe

This could be a stronger poem if you tightened up the language. This stanza has a nice flow- a little rhyme and a little alliteration. But it also focuses on the title of the poem- The love we have to give. It focuses on what people do when they do or do not give their love. But I have a feeling there is more to say here and maybe the author is holding out on the audience?

I see in your structure a pattern that, although is interesting, doesn't work. Did you structure your poem this way intentionally or was it just creative genius?

I like the message, but I think this author has more to say about this topic. Just a hunch, but I could be wrong.