Haiku for Outsiders

[deryk]

Post your Outsider Haiku here: I'll start it off.



Even garbage avoids my

shoes on the sidewalk.
I have no center.

[Jassy Melson]

This is not a haiku. A haiku contains five syllables in the first line, seven in the second line, and five in the third.

[Jack of Hearts]

!#@! the haiku.

Really liked the concept of garbage avoiding one's shoes. The last line doesn't seem on the same level as the first two though. All in all, though, not a bad read. Not a bad... whatever it is.






J

[deryk]

This is not a haiku. A haiku contains five syllables in the first line, seven in the second line, and five in the third.

Actually, it can be any variation of 5-5-7. Your iteration is simply the most common.

[deryk]

!#@! the haiku.

Really liked the concept of garbage avoiding one's shoes. The last line doesn't seem on the same level as the first two though. All in all, though, not a bad read. Not a bad... whatever it is.






J

Thanks Jack. The last line is a deliberate piss. Hence the subject.

[deryk]

Since no one else is playing along, here is another:

Mommy gave birth to
a new kitten-- her womb rots
at the speed of light.

[XQZ]

Chicago, IL, USA?

You finally moved huh? I'm not sure what is meant by the title. The main haiku seems to make more sense, though not by much unless it's a snapshot of a surreal dream in which case Lurell wrote quite a few strange poems whose meaning is opaque to me, but with startling imagery like this. Perhaps forget the strict reduced form and write as your imagination lets you?

[mazHur]

Mommy gave birth to
a naughty kitten-- who fell
straight on Papa's head!

[deryk]

Chicago, IL, USA?

You finally moved huh? I'm not sure what is meant by the title. The main haiku seems to make more sense, though not by much unless it's a snapshot of a surreal dream in which case Lurell wrote quite a few strange poems whose meaning is opaque to me, but with startling imagery like this.
Yes, I finally pulled off the move. I'll have to look into the Lurell.


Perhaps forget the strict reduced form and write as your imagination lets you?
I wouldn't survive that.

[deryk]

Mommy gave birth to
a naughty kitten-- who fell
straight on Papa's head!
I like the child-like arrangement. :biggrin5:

[Jassy Melson]

Actually, it can be any variation of 5-5-7. Your iteration is simply the most common.

No, it cannot be any variation. A haiku is a strict poetic form. It must follow the 5-7-5 form, or it is not a haiku.

[mazHur]

Where are we going?
Too many apes un-matured
'mong seven billions!!

[mazHur]

No, it cannot be any variation. A haiku is a strict poetic form. It must follow the 5-7-5 form, or it is not a haiku.

I agree with Melson but I have noticed some variations, maybe that is how a word is accented or stressed?

[mazHur]

deleted by self

[mazHur]

I am in trouble
are you listening UFO
Or am I the one??

[deryk]

No, it cannot be any variation. A haiku is a strict poetic form. It must follow the 5-7-5 form, or it is not a haiku.
"This haiku by Bashō[21] illustrates that he was not always constrained to a 5-7-5 on pattern. It contains 18 on in the pattern 6-7-5.
富士の風や扇にのせて江戸土産
ふじのかぜやおゝぎにのせてえどみやげ
fuji no kaze ya ōgi ni nosete Edo miyage
the wind of Mt. Fuji
I've brought on my fan!
a gift from Edo"

The 5-7-5 rule is an anachronism that stems from English translation.
Traditionally it is written in *one* vertical line anyway, so frankly, I couldn't care less about whatever textbook you're reading from.

[Calidore]

Does it matter if
My haiku is not like yours?
Is it mislabeled?

[Jassy Melson]

"This haiku by Bashō[21] illustrates that he was not always constrained to a 5-7-5 on pattern. It contains 18 on in the pattern 6-7-5.
富士の風や扇にのせて江戸土産
ふじのかぜやおゝぎにのせてえどみやげ
fuji no kaze ya ōgi ni nosete Edo miyage
the wind of Mt. Fuji
I've brought on my fan!
a gift from Edo"

The 5-7-5 rule is an anachronism that stems from English translation.
Traditionally it is written in *one* vertical line anyway, so frankly, I couldn't care less about whatever textbook you're reading from.

I'm not reading from a textbook (and I detect your smart aleck tone). Let's take the sonnet form as an example. A sonnet must contain fourteen lines, no more or less. A sonnet is a strict poetic poem. The haiku is also a strict poetic poem. The example you give from Basho is not a haiku --neither did he indicate it was a haiku.

[hillwalker]

I suggest we have an amnesty on haiku and banish it from the pages of Lit Net forthwith. I'm beginning to despair of the number of posters who believe they understand the form when in fact they are merely twisting it to fit their own demands.

Traditional haiku is 5 - 7 - 5 (based on Japanese syllables not English syllables) - no room for negotiation on that point. Why not just make do with a 3 line poem and forget trying to make it seem more enigmatic by sticking on a label that clearly doesn't fit?

H

[blank|verse]

I'm with hillwalker - and I think this whole thread should be moved to the 'Poetry Games and Contests' section... where you'll find - a thread on haiku.

[deryk]

I'm with hillwalker - and I think this whole thread should be moved to the 'Poetry Games and Contests' section... where you'll find - a thread on haiku.
That sounds fine. It wasn't meant to be a serious thread, if there is such a thing.

[mazHur]

Haiku, thou are ruined!
Send us a kimono to
fit our Ding Dong!!:)

[deryk]

Haiku, thou are ruined!
Send us a kimono to
fit our Ding Dong!!:)
Scandalous! Uncouth! Perfect for this thread!

[mazHur]

Perfect for this thread
Haiku strung in dubious form
hangs by skin of tooth.!

[deryk]

Perfect for this thread
Haiku strung in dubious form
hangs by skin of tooth.!
Oh no! "Dubious" is one syllable too many. You have my condolences!

[mazHur]

Oh no! "Dubious" is one syllable too many. You have my condolences!

Oh, so you have picked on me too!! Well, let me tell you metre( this is how you spell it in English) depends on how and where you place the stress on a word. In case of ''dubious'' it would be read as du-bee-ous but bards benefit from certain 'concessions'' know to them only. Phonetically I took the liberty to read it as 'dub-yus''. Is that okay now??

[Calidore]

Oh no! "Dubious" is one syllable too many. You have my condolences!

Just do what Shakespeare did and throw in an apostrophe where'er needed.

[mazHur]

Oh no! "Dubious" is one syllable too many. You have my condolences!

Oh, so you have picked on me too!! Well, let me tell you metre( this is how you spell it in English) depends on how and where you place the stress on a word. In case of ''dubious'' it would normally be read as du-bee-ous but bards benefit from certain 'concessions'' known to them only. Phonetically speaking I took the liberty of reading it as 'dub-yus'' or 'dubi'ous''. Is that okay now??

[mazHur]

Just do what Shakespeare did and throw in an apostrophe where needed.

Great!! Greetings!!:)