Idea of a reading to keep up a long-distance relationship?

[Leo]

Hello everyone,
I am going to write a brief introduction to place you in the right context. I am french, and I spent last year in the US as a high school student. There, in february, I met a girl and fell in love with her. Sadly, last july, I had to leave the states to return to France, but I will come back next summer to see her. She is also supposed to come to study in france, after that.

Here is the problem: we are doing a long-distance relationship, and it's emotionally very challenging. She often loses courage... I try to motivate her but it does not work as well as I wish it would sometimes.

Here is my question: does any of you have an idea of a book I could advise her to read? She loves reading, so I thought a book with a good moral could help. It does not need to be specifically about a long-distance relationship, or a relationship. However, she needs to find motivation in that book to improve our relationship. Of course, I would buy a copy of that book for myself as well! I have heard of a few french books that could be helpful, but they're not available in English...

Thank you in advance for your help, it will be much appreciated.

Leo

[Alexander III]

I think Hemingway's For Whom The Bell Tolls, might be a very good book for such a situation. But you really need to tell us more, what are her literary tastes.

Also no offence, but long distance relationships are always doomed to fail. Either you or her will make an accidental transgression one day and it will ruin everything. Are there no pretty girls left in france?

[cafolini]

Forgive me is I offend you, but and analysis of what you wrote yields Naiveinperson. In Spanish we could call it Cornivision. Even Andy Williams would be against such propositions. Ask David Letterman.

A Mexican charro would immediately exclaim: Amor de lejos, amor de pendejos.

[Leo]

I think Hemingway's For Whom The Bell Tolls, might be a very good book for such a situation. But you really need to tell us more, what are her literary tastes.

Thank you. I know she enjoys reading classical books (she told me that one of her favorite books was "A Tale of Two Cities" by Dickens). I also know she is interested in Psychology, so the book could tend that way too. Unfortunately, I don't know much besides that, but I do know she enjoys reading a lot.


Also no offence, but long distance relationships are always doomed to fail. Either you or her will make an accidental transgression one day and it will ruin everything. Are there no pretty girls left in france?

I'm not offended at all, same for cafolini's message. I understand why you say this and honestly, I would have said the same thing before going on exchange and falling in love. She and I are very open-minded and we have made it worked so far. There are pretty girls left in France, but my heart is taken by an American one. For now, except for this year, it fits with my studies and once those few months are behind us, it won't be any different than dating a french girl.
Love makes blind, but I am putting mature thoughts in my relationship.

[JBI]

L'amant by Duras;

Little discussed on these boards, but that is the best romantic novel I can think of. It also is in French, and is pretty easy, so she may be able to appreciate it in the original.

[Leo]

Isn't it about an affair?

[cafolini]

You have changed the subject. You asked for literature to keep it going. If you feel you can't keep it going with what you already found, what makes you think that outside advice on such infatuation could help?

[Desolation]

Practically speaking, long distance relationships are often fraught with emotional conflict. However, call me a hopeless romantic but I do believe that it can work. If the distance does not weaken your resolve to fight for the woman that you love, then you're off to a good start.

I suppose I'd recommend Tolstoy's Anna Karenina or War and Peace.

[Calidore]

Also no offence, but long distance relationships are always doomed to fail.

Often, sure, but not always. My cousin, for example, met a guy from Norway while they were both in Rome as college students doing an archeological dig. They did the long-distance thing for a while, then he moved here while she finished school, then they moved to Norway. Many years later, they're happily married with children.

I do think high school is a bit young to tie yourselves down, though. You still have much to learn about relationships (and life in general), and will naturally want to stretch your legs; so looking for ways to keep each other fixated on only yourselves could well have the opposite effect.

That said, best of luck to you both.

[Buh4Bee]

So sorry for the predicament. This is a great idea. It is a wonderful way to spend time with a person when you are separated by distance. You also may want to find an author you both want to read or a subject matter. Poetry can be very fun.

Good luck to you.

[kelby_lake]

Anna Karenina is a good idea, maybe a bit of Shakespeare, some love-themed classics. You could do it a bit like a reading club, where both of you read it together at the same pace so you can discuss it with each other. Sweet idea. <3

[Charles Darnay]

Regardless of the content of the book, it should be something that engages both you and her and draws out many hours of conversation (I'm going to go on and assume that you two have Skype or equivalent....if not, really?) - this way you will be an integral part of each other's lives without being on the same continent.

I have a friend who has been in a long distance relationship for five years now - it can work.

[Leo]

Everybody has great ideas! I particularly like the "reading club" one, because even if the book is not about love, it is something we can do "together".
I will take a look at Anna Karenina's books.
Someone also advised me to buy "A Secret" Rhonda Byrne, it's a psychological book about positive thinking.

[Charles Darnay]

Everybody has great ideas! I particularly like the "reading club" one, because even if the book is not about love, it is something we can do "together".
I will take a look at Anna Karenina's books.
Someone also advised me to buy "A Secret" Rhonda Byrne, it's a psychological book about positive thinking.

Anna Karenina's books would be so depressing! Her and Hamlet, two characters whose works I would not dare to read :)

[DocHeart]

Hello everyone,
I am going to write a brief introduction to place you in the right context. I am french, and I spent last year in the US as a high school student. There, in february, I met a girl and fell in love with her. Sadly, last july, I had to leave the states to return to France, but I will come back next summer to see her. She is also supposed to come to study in france, after that.

Here is the problem: we are doing a long-distance relationship, and it's emotionally very challenging. She often loses courage... I try to motivate her but it does not work as well as I wish it would sometimes.

Here is my question: does any of you have an idea of a book I could advise her to read? She loves reading, so I thought a book with a good moral could help. It does not need to be specifically about a long-distance relationship, or a relationship. However, she needs to find motivation in that book to improve our relationship. Of course, I would buy a copy of that book for myself as well! I have heard of a few french books that could be helpful, but they're not available in English...

Thank you in advance for your help, it will be much appreciated.

Leo


Leo,

Take this from an old-timer: long-distance, short-distance, striking-distance, point-blank range ---- it's all the same. If she doesn't dig it, she doesn't dig it. And I mean, this is the case here, man. What do you mean "she loses courage" -- she's gonna swim across the Atlantic to come and see you or what. She just doesn't want it.

Go out tonight. Go to Salamander's in the Latin Quarter, and tell Jacqueline you want a glass of her father's pinot gris. Sit down, drink, listen to music and bide your time. You'll meet someone else and forget all about the American. And then you can write a book about how an old curmudgeon helped you get over her and spend your life screwing exciting Parisian girls instead, and send her that.

Regards,
DH

[Buh4Bee]

And War and Peace, I'd pass on that, as well. Great literature, but there are better options, at least, in my opinion.

LOL! Docheart, I wasn't going to say it, but you're probably right.

[Leo]

Leo,

Take this from an old-timer: long-distance, short-distance, striking-distance, point-blank range ---- it's all the same. If she doesn't dig it, she doesn't dig it. And I mean, this is the case here, man. What do you mean "she loses courage" -- she's gonna swim across the Atlantic to come and see you or what. She just doesn't want it.

Go out tonight. Go to Salamander's in the Latin Quarter, and tell Jacqueline you want a glass of her father's pinot gris. Sit down, drink, listen to music and bide your time. You'll meet someone else and forget all about the American. And then you can write a book about how an old curmudgeon helped you get over her and spend your life screwing exciting Parisian girls instead, and send her that.

Regards,
DH

I really like your message, and it's actually pretty funny. I don't like pinot gris, but I guess after the second or third glass it won't matter anymore...

Here is what I am going to do: I am going to pick a book, mail it to her. This will be a nice gift, she will appreciate it. Then, I will wait; if I find someone else, everything is good. If I don't, however, I might just want to go back with her next summer, right?
We'll see where life takes me, but I know that I love her and I do hope that I end up with her, eventually. If I don't and if my heart ends up taken by someone else, I guess it's all good too.

I appreciate everybody's message, whether it goes in favor of my relationship or against it. Nevertheless, now that I have expressed how I felt and listened to your advice, I would like the discussion to go back to where we left it: a book to keep up a long-distance relationship. :)

[Gregory Samsa]

Give her poems by Neruda and she probably romanticizes the memory of you. Maybe something who is going to make her laugh like Catch-22 or The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Don’t give her Anna Karenina; the ending in the book could give her some bad ideas.

Still, they are many pretty girls in France and she will probably don't notice if you take some comfort there. You can't eat your cake, and have it too.

[Scheherazade]

I think the best "reading" that will keep a long-distance relationship going is the letters or emails you write to each other. Communication and keeping in touch become even more important in a relationship like this.

Otherwise, unless she is really willing and inclined that way, asking her to read books (like homeworks!) will achieve very little (apart from putting her off the relationship all together).

[Leo]

I think the best "reading" that will keep a long-distance relationship going is the letters or emails you write to each other. Communication and keeping in touch become even more important in a relationship like this.
It is already what we do. We message each other a lot. The only issue is that it may become less and less interesting over time. It is like in every relationship, if you don't want to be the "boring" couple because you've been dating for 5 years, you need to do things out of the ordinary. It is even more important in a long-distance relationship, but harder to do.


Otherwise, unless she is really willing and inclined that way, asking her to read books (like homeworks!) will achieve very little (apart from putting her off the relationship all together).

I never said this was going to be some kind of homework. This would be a way to share something we haven't shared before: love through books.

[cafolini]

I think the best "reading" that will keep a long-distance relationship going is the letters or emails you write to each other. Communication and keeping in touch become even more important in a relationship like this.

Otherwise, unless she is really willing and inclined that way, asking her to read books (like homeworks!) will achieve very little (apart from putting her off the relationship all together).

I need you sometimes to achieve focus after bewilderment. I agree.

[irinmisfit92]

I think DocHeart has a good point to a certain extent. I've gone through long distance relationships (even though I suppose it's online so in the end the guys were only playing with me and it was only to me that it was serious), but I know that it's the most burdening yet the happiest times of my life and made me a lot more mature.

I feel that it's good that you can fall for her and want to make the effort to build a long-distance relationship with her. It is indeed doomed to fail and you yourself knows it, but I think what's important now is for you guys to keep maintaining the relationship until maybe one day it doesn't work out.

I'm not being a masochist by saying that you should hurt yourself in this relationship, but I know exactly the feeling where you love someone so far away because you don't exactly click with the opposite sex around you. I'm not saying the latter case is true for you, but I'm saying that the experience is worth it.

I think I can call myself an idiot because I always engage in online attachments again and again with people who're distant from me, but then again they're the ones who make my day the most. I am who I am because of the long-distance relationships I've had (including friends).

[paulanderson114]

According to me distance cannot come in between, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.