Alone

[onajourney67]

Alone

By onajourney67

ALONE

One
As in solitude
unaccompanied

Without

Obscure, separate
apart as in not shared

Lacking, inadequate
Wanting, as a condition requiring relief

Alone, single
unmated as in ODD~

[deryk]

The rhythm of the lines are sort of a mechanical word salad. I understand the oddity in that regard, but I think it would be more effective if you dropped something concrete into the medley of abstract synonyms. There isn't much to connect.

[onajourney67]

The rhythm of the lines are sort of a mechanical word salad. I understand the oddity in that regard, but I think it would be more effective if you dropped something concrete into the medley of abstract synonyms. There isn't much to connect.

deryk, ty for your reply..i had a couple on my other one 'Insecure' but was wondering how this one came across as well...I appreciate all the advise very much...

In all honesty, I probably shouldn't have thrown these two pieces out there first for a couple reasons...One.. I knew the day i put them together that i could do much better if I spent more time on them instead of being so hasty..Two..they were both for someone who knows me in person...so i guess I would be the thing to connect.
I hadn't thought about that..