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Twixn
11-02-2011, 06:57 AM
Eros Walls.

you can walk into someones room and see the ink splattered over their walls. not the bat-**** ravings of a crazy blind man, scribbling away with black chalk, rooting through memories in hopes to breathe a sigh of relief for his last breath, no not that. You can see the patterns, mixed in with fertility masks brought back from Africa, looming over the bed like a grinning icon. All I see painted there on those walls are words, reading a story with every picture I pass, or boyfriends trinkets laid about like lambs, slaughterhouse ready. People would watch this passing transaction and think nothing of it; just Another person passing through sort of half- interested in what they see, sort of, you have to wear the mask. But those clothes hanging from countries visited are more of a looming story than Forest Gump about to unload at a bus stop. I begin reading at a frantic pace ; I'm hooked. The message firing rounds at me from behind closed doors into that room. When I finally round that corner and leave I want at least one of the bullets to really sink in, feel it.

Sort of the opposite effect of a death rattle, or should I say a parallel effect; when your life passes before you as someone holds a gun to your skull. Only now you are watching someones past life unfold as they stand there smiling at you across the room no harm close to them in any direction, as if to say : This is me. I've peaked my way through the items that build a soul, none of them those trinkets laid about in disarray, but rather complicated words we seem to blurt out in scraped tongue fashion, Sometimes choking on the tears of regret, sometimes just feeling like it wasn't fair. I've watched as everything is packed away, small boxes with labels made for burning. The root cellars, I left my neatly packed belongings in, dimly lit, I could tear open those locks and show you something beautiful tarnished, that however would mean getting to know you on a personal level. Stepping over some landmines we both set in place, tip toeing and slipping between sheets. It's a dangerous game, people get broken and misplaced. Right now I'm just looking over this wall dumbfounded, a little less of the doubt I had in the back of my mind breaking off into splinters; the pain stops when you learn to take them out, place them in that box with labels made for burning. I'm sure I've already misread half the tapestry's before me, but right now I'm Patrick Lane ; building a garden
As if creating an art display, she places the individuality carefully, each icon hoping to pull the interested counterpart in closer. She bends the truth just as carefully, welds it into place, as you move quietly through the room, an explanation reinterpreting you're initial reaction and imagination. Sparks or not, there is no denying it as an experience, sometimes i join in the game, let the music of the room move me, yet keep my face a mask of un-intrest, let her use her imagination too. weigh the scales of what i might think as I pass, there's not judgment, just the feigning of disinterest as a battle plan, you can't show too much in this dance of new-found relations. Though I can't deny the feeling you get, as if you are learning so much about a person without even having to discuss it, don't get me wrong there are conversations sparked but more of it is in whats unsaid, the picture books for another time are the ones that really really open the soul wide. There are secrets in almost any-ones life that can bring tears fluttering to eyes, those usually are the true parts that showing someone can mean only "I love you". Pacing this room now I'm not even close to words, they float in the air we breathe between us, but even they don't understand why yet, there's tests to pass and more walls to read, on the surface of her smiling face, as well as the room I have entered.

If after this process you can ultimately relax, feel at ease and get to know the surroundings, if they make you smile and bloom, you know you have come to the right place. However, never forget that wallpapers can wither, words can etch and bend, boyfriends ex trinkets can be set aside and hidden, tokens of past lives buried and burned. Lost causes manipulate and move, there's an ebb and flow to wisdom and knowledge, the same goes for relationships, we really put ourselves into those walls we build around us. Being kept frigid and alone under lock and key is no way to live, we build these barriers around us to share, for the unique few individuals we let stroll these corridors.

hillwalker
11-02-2011, 07:17 AM
You've put a lot of effort into this and it shows.

At times it's a little too frenetic, a little too self-absorbed. But overall you've made your point - and for a first post on here it's extremely promising.

I'm curious as to how much of this was off-the-cuff stream of consciousness, unedited and un-retouched, and how much was deliberately manipulated to give the impression of spontaneity.

H

Twixn
11-03-2011, 04:15 AM
well frenetic probably sums up my personality, so makes sense, altering my writing after would probably take a good amount of editing, sometimes of course im probably striving for it, despite knowing full well it will throw the reader off.

i see what you mean about too self absorbed at times, i think i can do some edit work on that.

appreciate the read man! great introduction to the site.

cafolini
11-03-2011, 09:46 PM
Good piece.

Twixn
11-05-2011, 06:06 PM
Appreciate the reads guys/gals. if you guys have links for something you want me to have a look at and give my honest opinion on, leave links, i'll do my best to return the favor.

Twixn
12-04-2011, 12:07 PM
bump.

Twixn
12-26-2011, 08:38 PM
bump.

WolfLarsen
12-27-2011, 12:09 AM
This board seems to be changing a bit. For the second time in a row here is something worth reading. I love the first paragraph. It's frantic! The first paragraph I think is the strongest one! And whatever hillwalker says just do the opposite and you're bound to write great literature! I'm not trying to attack hillwalker (I'm sure he's a nice guy) I just don't agree with him about literature.

The other thing I would recommend is that you should not listen to anybody, including me. You should just do whatever the hell you want to!

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

hillwalker
12-27-2011, 06:17 PM
And whatever hillwalker says just do the opposite and you're bound to write great literature! I'm not trying to attack hillwalker (I'm sure he's a nice guy) I just don't agree with him about literature.

He is - and he saw some merit in this piece (same as you???)

- so I'm not sure that suggesting someone ignore my responses because we apparently don't agree what constitutes good writing is being particularly helpful to the original poster.

We all have our opinions. None are absolutely right. None are completely wrong... yours are no more worthy than anyone else's unless you consider yourself omniscient and omnipotent.

Oh, hang on. I forgot. You probably do.

H :flare::lol:

Jack of Hearts
12-27-2011, 09:21 PM
Why the objectivity? Why the sideways talk? WolfLarsen's feedback is pretty much always wrong. He, as a person, has agency and gets proper respect for that. But the ideas he puts forth and how he expresses them is notably inferior if taken with any degree of seriousness.

However, in his youtube video, he reads his work like a man on fire. His readings make his substandard material at least somewhat entertaining.

As a compliment to him- let it be said that WolfLarsen is kind of polite in discussion.






J

WolfLarsen
12-30-2011, 07:06 PM
The first paragraph of this piece does not belong in the Norton Antholgy. It is too good for the Norton Anthology!

Jack of Hearts
12-31-2011, 06:02 AM
I am polite. Or I try to be. There are certain situations where I might not be polite but after all this is a literary board and so I hope (or I wish) that we can all rise above the pettiness and mentality of street toughs. I spent too much of my youth fighting with my fists (in self-defense, usually) so now I would rather move beyond that kind of mentality and debate politely with words.

It is not my object to personally offend others, either on or off the Internet, but my unconventionality is definitely upsetting to some conventionally-minded people. Well, too bad. It's not intentional. It's just the way I am.

I am obsessed with creativity. And I will encourage those who I believe are showing creativity or advancing literature. We may disagree. But when it comes to encouraging others I may be blunt and step on some toes, but it is not on purpose. Nothing personal is intended. I am not interested in one upmanship. But I hunger to read creative works, and when I see creativity I will encourage it, even if that means inadvertently stepping on the toes of others. I do not do it on purpose. And considering some of the things that hill walker has said regarding me I'm surprised that he would complain about something as trivial.

I wish hill walker and Jack of Hearts a happy new year!

That's probably fair enough. This reader at least tries to take other people on their own terms, whatever that statement tries to mean. And he's probably failed that with you WolfLarsen, probably especially lately. And hey, it's just the internet, maybe taking it too seriously is part of the problem. That said, this reader never expressed anything he didn't think was true, so to speak. But he still apologizes for any bad... uh... things, to you.

And maybe he won't be reading and loving your threads or responses, but there's definitely been some hostility/annoyance/whatever that doesn't need to be on these forums, that these forums could do without.

So sorry. Mea culpa.








J

hillwalker
12-31-2011, 11:18 AM
The first paragraph of this piece does not belong in the Norton Antholgy. It is too good for the Norton Anthology!

'Groundhog Day' anybody?

H

Twixn
02-07-2012, 04:16 PM
sweet.. I'm glad to come back and see some people talking over this... haha..

Thanks for the replies as always... if you guys have anything you want me to check out of yours link me a message.