The Daydreamer's Taunt

[Revolte]

With eyes scratching
words scrawled by dead poets
those day dreams
I keep in my pocket
-recurring and forever there-
spill out and paint
the darkened hallways of my heart.

Bound by nothing
(no form nor goal)
the dripping wet sketches
relieve tangled bones,
if only for a moment,
to remind me of freer stars
in which I'll never reach.

And as quickly as seen
the silent songs of ghosts
desperately fade
into a memory safe
to forever wait to flee
from struggle's dungeon depths
and taunt me once again.

[hillwalker]

This is quite a mature, thoughtful piece of writing. Your poetry seems to be entering a new phase; perhaps your confidence is growing. Good stuff.

I would question whether or not we need the word 'in' at the start of the last line in verse 2.

H

[Hawkman]

I'd also query:

"into a memory safe
to forever wait to flee"

in S3. "Memory safe" initially reads as an inversion of syntax but on reflection I see that you may have meant a safe for memories. If this is the case, confusion could be avoided by the insertion of a hyphen, "memory-safe" to bind the words together so the reader gets it. The 2 tos are a bit clumsy, Better as "forever waiting to flee"

Live and be well - H