Grandfather

[kittypaws]

Grandfather and his third grand child
Walk into the floral gardens;
Hand in hand.
He huffs and sits on the worn bench.
She finds her way onto his seat
Placing her arms around his neck
She whispers…”Grand dad don’t you want to play?’
He snatches her up and she gives a glee
Of all things that life can bring.
Live as thou life shall leave.

kittypaws

[hillwalker]

Sweet and simple - more of a prose piece than a poem but still enjoyable.

I'm curious as to why you specified 'third grandchild' - I couldn't see why her exact identity mattered.

H

[Hawkman]

I agree with hill, Grand daughter would have sufficed. I'd also question, "...gives a glee" Glee is more a state of being, enjoyment mirth so it's sort of hard to get the sense in which a glee is used. Of course it is an archaic term in use between the 17th and 19th Centuries for a short unaccompanied part-song , but I'm not sure if this is immediately obvious to the reader.

Live and be well - H

[kittypaws]

Thank you both.

I put in third grand child as I wanted my reader to in-vision grand dad as really old. I know people who are grandfathers at the age of 40. I felt it brought more weight to the last line.

Hawk you are correct glee is more a state of being...in this case a state of being all things life can bring.

I know it may not make much sense....

I'll let you try to figure out how my brain works. I gave up years ago!:D

[hillwalker]

Hmm... so he has to be a lot older to have 3 grand children than if he only has 1 or 2?
Your logic has lost me there I'll have to admit.
And the fact that both Hawk and I brought it up suggests it was an unnecessary distraction. Remember what I have mentioned in the past about you throwing in irrelevant details that sometimes undermine your poems - this is a classic example :-)

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

And I too was somewhat misled by the third child: I thought that she was specified because it would turn out that you were the third of his grandchildren. His age is well enough suggested by the fact that he sits down immediately after they've entered the garde.

I too liked the directness and the simplicity of it.

[cafolini]

I think "glee" is appropriate because it's the only way to go down in history without having a bright nose.

[Charles Darnay]

I like the third grand child - the splitting up of three short syllables has a better sound than granddaughter or just grand child. It also (and I admit this may be too much reading into this) has a certain weight to it: the "third child" concept has always had that King Lear effect on me - she is somehow the sweet young girl compared to two nastier siblings (ah Cordelia....).

It's actually the last line that seemed to throw me off, and not simply because of the archaic "thou" but something seems off.

[Haunted]

Kitty, you painted a bittersweet picture of a small child and an aging grandpa, perhaps in a moment during a walk in a near paradice. I thought the third grandchild was a personal reference but like the other posters said, it doesn't really tell me about a certain age. Supposed the man has 3 children and they all have kids in the same year. To make readers know he's old, you have to show it, and you sure did it very well here, "He huffs and sits on the worn bench". I didn't understand the last line, Old English or is it Middle English makes a poem less relevant to me, I wish the last line was written a bit differently but that's all. Good one.

[Delta40]

I liked the the sweet imagery of this Kitty and as I was the 3rd grandchild myself it evoked some wonderful memories of my Scottish Papa.

[kittypaws]

Thank you ~ every single one of YOU for taking the time to read and respond. I do respect your opinions and am taking them in (a little hard head at times) and will continue to improve.

hugz to all!:grouphug:

kittypaws

[MystyrMystyry]

Is it about you and your grandpa Kitty?

I only have the distant memory of bouncing on my grandpa's knee, being thrown into the air and caught, and I can still hear his booming laugh. The next thing I knew it was my first experience of someone's death, and we couldn't visit him anymore. Grandma lived in the same house for what seemed years afterwards (probably not), and eventually we went to see her there - soon after she'd moved into a little unit with no backyard. Grandpa seemed like he was always at a party wherever he was and made everyone feel like an important giant.

Years later I discovered how big and important a giant he actually was in the community and I felt ripped off for never having the chance to properly talk to him - just a few photos, memories and stories from other people.

One thing though, a few years ago I accidentally moved into a unit across from that house and didn't realise it for months. That was a very happy discovery.


Sorry - I'm rambling. Nice poem Kitty :)