Mr Fenwick’s Ghost

[Bluehound]

123456

[Delta40]

I loved some of the lines in this chilling ghost story.

I pulled the quilt up around me and turned onto my side in foetal defence.

I held the angel on my lap which, in defiance of my previous atheism, had come to be a protective talisman for me.

I think the first few lines should read more simply. You obviously have a good vocab but I would revise the intro. there are some spelling errors and grammar (both of which I am typically guilty of as I get carried away with my writing) The other thing I noticed is that some of this story was written in the present tense when most of it was in the past, a flaw that I also am guilty of.

I thought the click click click was a good device and added to the creepyness of it.

I would suggest that the ghosts monologue be shortened too. It seems rather long. Perhaps over the 3 nights, the ghost could make these statements through the monitor.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed it and as I read it out loud, I appreciated it more although I was a tad confused in the final few paragraphs which I think you should revise especially given the sudden cracking of Mr Fenwicks skull. Perhaps more of a threatening build up would be appropriate here?

Great read Bluehound and I look forward to more of your stories.

[Bluehound]

Thanks for reading Delta and thanks for the advice too.
I am aware that it needs some polishing but I just fancied writing and posting something a bit spooky for Halloween. :devil: