Firework

[Misschelseabun]

Bursting with excitement,
my molecules are chased.
Coursing through the cardboard skin
in which my life is cased.

Bundled into boxes,
I nudge my fellow men.
Chattering excitedly
within our powdered pen.

The shining dark exposed to us,
we reach our final fate.
Our carer holds my shell aloft
to anxious crowds that wait.

Ruffling my feathers,
I settle in the ground.
He feeds me with the taper
and ignites the simmering sound.

I see their faces light, aghast,
while racing through the sky.
Before I take my final breath
and fizzle out to die.

[blank|verse]

This is an inventive poem, mcb, I don't think I've read one written from the perspective of a firework before!

On the whole, the rhyme scheme works ok, although it does give the poem a slightly restrained feel, which is a bit at odds with the subject. It does lend a nice rhythm and pace to the piece though, so maybe that balances it out.

I think you could do with a stronger second line, it feels like it's just there for the rhyme. And I wasn't sure a metaphor about 'bursting with excitement' is the most appropriate when you're talking about a firework, though, it sounds like it's already gone off. I also found the ending a bit anti-climactic after the build-up.

But overall, it's an imaginative poem.