I'm new here and I write poetry

[Mr Jones]

Hey all. I'm new here as the title explains and I was wanting to know how this forum works. Does everybody post their views and understanding poetry here or can they also post their own poetry for criticism. I would love to gain an incite into what people think about my own poetry.

{edit}

This site has my works. I would GREATLY appreciate as many reads or criticisms/praise comments I can get! Post them here because most of you wouldn't have a Booksie account. Thanks so much. Btw, I am an Australian teenager (in Yr 12) who loves poets like Ginsburg and adores Bob Dylan.

[Loganm]

Too feminine, Mr Jones.

[kittypaws]

Mr. Jones...if you want to be heard then type out your write....not post a url.
You say you are young and that is a great age to start writing...but you need not be slack...and like all here; type out your poetry.

kittypaws

[Jack of Hearts]

Something is happening here and you don't know what it is... do you, Mr Jones?






J

[Mr Jones]

@Loganam: In what sense?
@Kittypaws: I totally agree. I just didn't know if I was allowed to post my poems on these things. Two days in and I already seem like a 12 yr old "roses are red" poet. :/ Thankyou very much for even writing in this post.
@Jack of Hearts: I see you are a Bob Dylan fan yourself too! "Jack of Hearts" from Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts? One of my favorite Dylan songs. My poems try to have that same dylan style.

Poem Titled: I'm Gone.


I’m Gone....
Not to be found
Not to be discovered
I never truly existed, really
Dust moving around a dark alleyway more like it
Dust collecting on buildings
Shadows grazing the skyscrapers
Dancing around the backstreets
Specks of matter resembling a being
It breaths
But is it truly there?
The past almost breaths at times
Yet was it ever born?
Speculation and bias is all there is
Conjuring ideas to fill the cavities in your mind
Presuming that because you have a brain
You’re human?
Humans are paragons
Of the land of milk and honey
The burning bush and the bleeding Madonna
Entities in a reality?
Who knows?




I know that I’m not there
Really, truly
I can blink, cry, walk
Stalk, shoptalk, sleepwalk
Moonwalk and outwalk some
But can’t talk properly,
Not really,
Talk with conviction
Without spitting fiction
Truth is an intervention
Only given when you hit rock bottom
And must have it
But don’t we always need perspective?
Since when is an intervention not a talk about perspective?
I don’t know
Well...about much really
But I know myself enough to trust its potential
Let it be without institutions, magazines, authority and TV
I am a kite
Rising above the mundane
A kite in its upmost simplicity
Flying high and soaring the sky
But still blowing with the leaves and paper


And the wind picks up....


How far could I go
If you let go of me?


Writer Comment:
I write many different styles of poem. This one I wrote in a period in my life where a family situation gave me the inspiration to write the frustration I felt. The issues main theme was censorship.

[hillwalker]

A poem written to someone in authority by the sound of it - asking to be cut free of their chains.

Some of this is pretty good - although the style is inconsistent enough to make it read like two separate poems - but there are also bits you could cut out to tighten the focus.

There's some original imagery here where you successfully provide new insights on stuff that's been written about ao many times before - but the rather half-baked generalisations where you philosophize about the nature of life and truth don't work so well.

And it's always best to say what you mean in as few words as possible so here for example

I never truly existed, really
Dust moving around a dark alleyway more like it

you could remove truly or really (since they are interchangeable) - and the phrase more like it is also unnecessary since it is meaningless.

Intriguing first post - keep writing.

H

[Jassy Melson]

Sounds like a rap song

[Buh4Bee]

It does seem like two poems, but it is raw and rhythmic. I enjoyed it.

[Jassy Melson]

"Rap is not music; it's bad poetry with a monotnous drum beat" - Ray Charles

[hillwalker]

"Rap is not music; it's bad poetry with a monotnous drum beat" - Ray Charles

Great singer - but not an authority on poetry or even music come to that

There's good rap and krap rap - and rap has been part of good music as far back as Woody Guthrie and early Bob Dylan. Back then it was called 'Talking Blues'.

H

[jajdude]

I was wondering why any of you were giving him a hard time. Really, cut yourself some slack. The guy likes writing, as this site is about. He likes Dylan. Where's the problem?

[Jassy Melson]

True. But I am concerned that a non-poem or unpoetic poem if you will is considered and called poetry.

[hillwalker]

True. But I am concerned that a non-poem or unpoetic poem if you will is considered and called poetry.

Compared to a lot of the stuff posted on here under the term 'poetry' this is not at all bad. If it doesn't suit your own personal taste there's no need to make such a sweeping statement - using derogatory terms like 'unpoetic' and 'non-poem' is uncalled for.

I hope the poster can gain some hope from the fact that we don't all consider his first piece worthless. Maybe, because he's still relatively young, judging from the language used in his preamble, you don't believe he should even be on here.

Sometimes I despair of the way fresh talent (in the written word and music) is given little if any credit by members of my generation because it doesn't fit in with their expectations. Perhaps we should have a separate forum for 'Old Duffers' Poems'.

H

[Jassy Melson]

You're so sweet

[symphony]

I think for 12 these poems are great. I first started posting here when I was 17, with some shaky floral english phrases. One of the biggest reasons I stuck to LitNet was that the members offered good criticism but somehow always in a very warm way, and always constructively. It's not like my poems or comments are any good now -- I'm still a bad poet and english is still my second language, but that gives all the more reason to try to improve.

Great start, Mr. Jones. I would say keep writing and, more importantly, keep reading. You're in good company.

[billl]

(I think the poet here is in the 12th grade, and is a teenager.)

"Breath" would be spelled "breathe" here.

I can imagine a large portion of the second section maybe working as rap, but this doesn't seem like rap to me, on the whole. Like Hillwalker said, this is as good as a lot of the other stuff that gets posted here, glad to see it was actually posted instead of just linked to.

[Jack of Hearts]

This poem is a bit rough around the edges. It waxes philosophical somewhat to its detriment. But there are wonderful elements in it, as well, and it's definitely not worthless.

It's like a promise. With focus and time, this is what great poetry blooms out of, this reader thinks.





J

[symphony]

(I think the poet here is in the 12th grade, and is a teenager.)

You're right. I missed out on the part where he said he's a teenager. That would then be around the same age when I started posting here... :)

[Delta40]

He's in Year 12 which would make him going on 17. I liked your poem and welcome to Lit-Net. You're allowed to post one thread per day which means if you want to post more than one poem you will have to do it under the same thread rather than create a new thread for each poem.

Most people are very friendly and offer practical advice.

Keep posting Mr Jones - we need more Aussies here!