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View Full Version : A collection of my childhood’s short stories....#2: To Eat or not to Eat



Mojtaba-Iraqi
10-25-2011, 11:39 AM
#2: To Eat or not to Eat, That is the Question!

Man is ruled by certain traditions, which are made to restrict his “id”, as Freud asserted, in order not to be equalized with normal animals, though some animals live according to specific norms during their lifetime. My father was one of those highly tradition-admirer men, who sometimes unwillingly yield to those traditions. He believed that if one does what people do, he will be on the safe side from their unexpected wickedness.
Having brought his drafts to the typist, it did not make much sense to a kid, who was totally a sarcastic of the traditions, though admitting them by words, as the son of the poor writer. I always see him writing. “Daddy; it’s a stupid world. It doesn’t worth to write about!” At that moment, I observed a thunder of trust in his eyes, and breeze of confidence in his smile.
The first impression of a guest is of a high importance for a decent welcome. The typist brought a fine big dish of pulpy sweet melon. The dish was a profound valley, full of hills of golden wheat, surrounded by roses; roses of the dish. “Yea, this is the time to make the air raid!” I understood from a look of my father that: “son; we are guests, and guests should be polite, don’t…” I could not understand much; I was an island on which the rain has no immediate effect. I started harvesting those hills of wheat, one after the other, but one. I left the last piece, because the traditions say that the last piece brings bad luck. So, I left this bad luck for the poor host. I observed the farms of roses of embarrassment on my father’s cheeks.
“Why do you do this to me? Why don’t you grow up like others? Why…?” The dignified father suffered a lot, but his mercy blocked him from punishing the innocent little sweet son. After seventy times seven threatening and promises, I accompanied my father to the house of the typist on the next day. This time, he presented a dish of peaches. As I promised, just one. My father and the typist started their work. “Oh Greed! Why don’t you sleep for a moment? Don’t take my deflowered dignity and promise from me!” These prayers seemed not to be from the heart. I normally used to do my evil plans when my mother was on the phone. I used the same strategy: “yes, he is busy with his draft and typing; this is the time.” Serpentinely, I told my father: “Daddy; may I eat some of those stupid peaches?” unconsciously, he agreed. Bingo!...
As usual, and admiring the traditions, I left only one. When they finished typing, they found the dish empty. Shockingly, while the host covered his anger with the clouds of shyness, he said: “why don’t you eat the last one too?” I replied: “To eat or not to eat, that is the question!”

hillwalker
10-25-2011, 01:28 PM
I enjoyed this much more than #1.

Although many of your expressions and choice of vocabulary reveal the gap in our culture, some things translate directly from one to the other - the behaviour of children is universal - how they always manage to embarrass their parents even when they did not intend to.

Much of your work demonstrates how complex the English language must seem to someone using it as a second language - but this has a certain charm that overcomes any misunderstandings.

H

Mojtaba-Iraqi
10-25-2011, 01:34 PM
what's up dear hillwalker
thank u, and I hope u really enjoyed it.......
about the cultural differences and its effect on language, do u have any suggestion to overcome that?

hillwalker
10-25-2011, 02:02 PM
about the cultural differences and its effect on language, do u have any suggestion to overcome that?

That's a difficult question because I don't know where these stories come from. Are they written in your mother tongue then translated into English or do you write in English from scratch?

Just a few pointers so you can see what I'm struggling with :

'equalised' should be 'equated' (there is a difference) and why 'normal animals'?

'who was totally a sarcastic of the traditions' is grammatically cumbersome and not idiomatically correct - 'who had little respect for tradition' makes more sense

'It doesn’t worth to write about!' should be 'It isn't worth writing about'

and I'm not sure what you meant by “Yea, this is the time to make the air raid!” - do you mean 'this is the time to attack the food'? Because an air raid is rather too specific - it doesn't really fit with a child allowing his hunger to make him behave greedily.

But I did appreciate the original descriptions of the dish overflowing with fruit - the hills of wheat and roses - and the child like an island untouched by the elements.

I was also intrigued by the etiquette of leaving one portion untouched out of respect for the host.
We had an unwritten rule when I was a child and we had guests for a meal. My mother would say "Family hold back" meaning we had to allow the guests to fill their own plates first before joining in the meal.

The only other advice I can offer is to read as much as you can in English if you wish to write more - not necessarily great works of literature and philosophy but more contemporary works that reflect the current usage of the language.

H

Mojtaba-Iraqi
10-26-2011, 10:21 AM
Thank u hillwalker for this effort
Before all, I never write stories in Arabic......I always try to write in English from my mind directly to the paper, without any translation, because I'm aware that the process of translating harms the beauty of a text.......

About those points, u r right, and I'll try to rewrite them..........
Reading in English....Of course I do, to the extent that I abandoned reading Arabic for months or a year...........But as u mean, I need more efforts...

Anyhow, thank u for commenting and those valuable points