Night Sweats

[Dunball]

I wake to the sound of a door swinging closed. Bang, Bang it continues to a piont where i know im going to have to get up to investigate, I slide a foot out of bed and the rest follows. The door bangs again once twice, thrice. I run through senarios in my mind, imagining the worst but knowing it's not. I lift my hand to the light switch, The world explodes with a crack. I am dead

[Delta40]

Extremely short story which says so much without saying anything tangible the reader can relate to. There is no tension or trepidation and it sounds rather like a statement without explanation.

Continue if you can to take each sentence and transform it into a paragraph, carving a path along the way for the reader to follow.

good luck and welcome to lit-net.

[hillwalker]

A little too abrupt... 'I am dead' kills the story as well as the narrator - when omitting the final sentence might be just as suspenseful, leaving the reader more likely to wonder what happens next.

There's quite an effective build-up of tension but then you pull the rug out from under our feet. Fleshed out and left unresolved this would probably be a more intriguing read.

H