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Jerrybaldy
10-22-2011, 05:40 PM
Here is a piece of me.
I see the need in the flare of your eyes
but I gave nothing
just 10cc,
a cuddle, some love,
hope in the small hours
that i ever had something
to give.
When I went to wash my dick
you smiled
so sweet
I thought for a moment I felt something.
When you told me who you were
I knew I had to save you.
I will fail for sure
but I know I will try.
This is our poem
never to be exposed
to the light of day.
Not to be read
so stop right now.
It's a moment in time
a cliche,
just for today,
I love you
my brown eyed girl.

symphony
10-22-2011, 05:52 PM
but I gave nothing
just 10cc,
a cuddle, some love,
hope in the small hours
that i ever had something
to give.
I guess love, and of course the gift of such poems, will be more than enough! At first I felt this hint of indifference, but as I read through, I only found more, and more, honesty.
By the way, will there be a comma after 'nothing' at the end of the third line?

Jerrybaldy
10-22-2011, 06:28 PM
Thank you symphony. I find your comments remarkably insightful. You are right.
I added the comma :)

Delta40
10-22-2011, 06:43 PM
I think the message is loud and clear with or without punctuation. An element of reflection goes a long way in your poetry Jerry.

Jerrybaldy
10-22-2011, 06:51 PM
there is a message ?

Delta40
10-22-2011, 06:53 PM
Probably a Yahoo kind...

PoetTree
10-22-2011, 07:36 PM
(You can't save her.)

Buh4Bee
10-23-2011, 05:32 PM
Although too graphic for my taste, it is meant to be sweet for that special girl, poor thing.

MarkBastable
10-23-2011, 06:00 PM
So, is that the band, or the origin of the name of the band? Or both?

Haunted
10-24-2011, 05:03 PM
This is actually quite sweet and sentimental considering the subject.