A collection of my childhood’s short stories....#1: we live in peace

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

#1: we live in peace



We live in peace! That seemed to be my slogan in the early level of my sailing in the heavy ocean of life, though not having reliable sails and anchor.
“where is this noty son!!? Oh Lord, I’m not going to survive as long as the Devil rides his mind!”. For me, that was not reasonable. Having grown up and gaining an ability to observe and analyze things, “the Devil” as my father called, was a mere slave for me, not as my father fantasized. God bless the Devil! It is not fair to sentence this heavenly creature –compared with me- by blasphemy and destruction in the court of prejudice, while it is me who covered my little four-room and two-street world with a bloody chaos of anglous disorder. Leaving the house, bringing a confused mind, mingled with a nectar of dignity, my poor father started looking for his little innocent demon who went out to prove that there is no reason to fear outdoor, because we live in peace!
“Lord, let my son comeback; let him grow up soon; let him comeback”. These prayers dried his mouth, not letting him to swallow sweet fears anymore. No, he is not deceived: he recognized his son from far away not through his face, but through observing him wearing the father’s left shoe, with a big funny hat. “where the hell have you been?” I replied: “Don’t worry Daddy: we live in peace!

[kangels4ever]

Interesting. But what is it about? Or is it a metaphorical tale of some sort?

[hillwalker]

Not so much a story as a comment on moral issues pertaining to growing up.

There's nothing tangible here to attract the reader's immagination... no sense of place, nor of the child or the father even being real people. If you could illustrate this period of your life with actual examples: of how the child became tempted by 'the devil' to misbehave perhaps, before reassuring his father he is not really evil, then it would allow us to engage better with the situation.

As it stands we have to assume it has some personal relevance to the writer, but it makes no sense to those of us who did not share your upbringing.

H

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

Thank u Kang........No, the stories really happened to me

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

Thank u dear Hillwalker

Actually, I tried to portrait some details about the time and place through the coming ones...........yes, partially I agree with u about not being acquainted........I hope the coming ones will be more sensible....
By the way, I've been a fan of u as a critic....u, delta, blank, prince, and others....so, I hope, ull support me with more useful advices to improve my texts....thanx

[hillwalker]

I'm not denying this really happened to you, but from what you are telling us here nothing happened other than your father thought you were naughty because you were possessed by the devil.

It's not really a story that will interest many readers unless you can flesh it out - give us examples of your bad behaviour for instance.

H

EDIT - I wrote this before your direct response to my feedback. By all means keep writing and I shall keep reading.

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

By all means keep writing and I shall keep reading.

I really appreciate that...thanx