For You I Weep

[FozzieFunk]

Some days when I have lost interest
in twiddling my thumbs
and tapping my pen
I look up from my canvased life
and stare out at the world
and what I see staring me down
with wide eyed passion
is a great wall of emotion
driving a hole into my visitors heart
showering a typhoon of tear drops
to fill my stomach
until it wells up into my eyes
and creeps out like fickle feathers
from a goose down pillow

[kevinthediltz]

I like this a lot. Very dark.



driving a hole into my visitors heart
showering a typhoon of tear drops

These two lines, however, seem a bit run on and choppy.

Overall a very meaningful and well thought out poem, in my opinion.

Keep writing!

[Misschelseabun]

I like this, and I like the lack of punctuation as it conveys the overwhelming emotion of the text itself. I just have one question - in this section:

and stare out at the world
and what I see staring me down

Is the repetition of stare/staring deliberate? I can't help but feel that 'staring me down' would be more effective if a different word was used in the line above e.g peer