Another vision

[DieterM]

The world as seen
from under the brim
of my umbrella
is mostly feet,
criss-cross, in haste,
bespattered slacks
and muddy tights,
loafers, sneakers, heels
on black-washed sidewalks;

small black pools,
distorted lights and
evening dimness
swimming in them;

in the gutter,
raindrops burst,
creating circles,
foamy gurgling streams;

at the edge, the cars
swish-swash by;

city life in
balanced fragments,
rain-blurred, zigzagged,
wet and cold.

[blank|verse]

Yeah, nice job Dieter, the poem works well as a snapshot, and you capture the scene well, with some effective, Heaney-esque imagery and onomatopoeia.

I wasn't sure about the title, and the poem starts slightly prosaically. I wonder if a title such as 'Under the Umbrella', and starting 'Feet criss-cross...' would tighten things up. Otherwise, very nice.