In A Blink

[Bar22do]

In A Blink

Negligent humming of god
who travels in a dull thought:
his pace sounds brazen, as
he ascends a clocktower
whose shadow unfolds space.
A kinglet on the prowl
for the being’s groan -
echoing his self-discovery;
oblivious to the coming implosion
that will sweep both the moan
and his careless croon
into nothing.

(Paris, October 17, 2011)

[Delta40]

Mmmm. This feels rather profound and less about God than some other underlying tragedy waiting to happen, when all will be revealed in a blink of an eye. It's lurking there, slowly building.....

Apprehensive and foreboding Bar

[blank|verse]

Hmm, indeed. This one is a bit of a head-scratcher to say the least, Bar, and seems very modernist / symbolist in its imagery. Not really sure what's going on as it's very abstract. Maybe if I stare at it a bit longer some hidden meaning will reveal itself...?

[Bar22do]

Nothing hidden here, just the returning idea of some power substituting itself for god (or whatever one should call It) due to some unknown abnormality, who brought into being a world only to explore itself and content with the suffering it causes while unaware of its own end...

Anyway, I hoped this one was rather clear - time (clocktower, perhaps the tower of the winds would have been more poetic) and space, the living, the implosion. But not. It is obscure. Ah. Perhaps it can't be otherwise??? Or, it is bad poetry. Don't know. But I confess I like it a little.

Thanks for reading Delta and B/V. Appreciate your effort!!

Best to you both! Bar

[blank|verse]

Thanks for that, Bar, that makes more sense now; although it's still complicated.

There is a general rule in poetry, along the lines of - if you're going to state something complex, use simple language (and vice versa). And if you want an example of that rule in practice on LitNet, look no further than Prince's poems.

So it's not bad poetry, but you are asking a lot of the reader to work through this, which can be a risky strategy. b|v

[PrinceMyshkin]

It is obscure. Ah. Perhaps it can't be otherwise??? Or, it is bad poetry. Don't know. But I confess I like it a little.


Liking one's own poetry at least "a little" is indeed the least of the rewards one might expect from something that is simultaneously as fluent and as economical as this is. My (excessively?) materialist self cannot always follow you along your mystical/metaphysical journeys, but here as on most occasions I admire both your craft and the passion of your thinking.

[Bar22do]

Hey B/V, I felt that more than a statement it was just a mood tinted image of a heavenly mockery (at life's expense), I also thought I was sharing here something simple (if not simplistic) in very simple words and no strategy involved! while it turns out the reader can't follow... see the importance of learning through feedbacks?...!!! thank you again so much.

Similarly, Prince, the poem aims at demystifying... Of course, B/V is right, there is much to learn from your very good writing, though some of yours don't hesitate to hurl the reader into a mind whirl. Hmm, this in fact is what's so good about your poetry, I should say.
In any case, I'm glad you've found something to praise here (hopefully not only your East European upbringing! :smile5:)

Thank you both again.

Bar