Transformation

[Revolte]

Heartbreak settles in empty oceans
once filled by child's tears
and shakes the earth to cliffs and cracks
to spill forgotten years
with demons hidden nevermore
they feast upon the grass
which once gave life but now gives death
in flashes of the past,
but a fighters spirits never torn
when birthed of hate and greed
and to the desert dry and dead
is sowed a fire's seed
to grow a field of love and rage
and save the lover's soul
held by hands of devil's coin
-the golden heartless ghoul.

[hillwalker]

I'm normally allergic to rhyme - but in this case it works well, is not forced and so adds to the sense of the piece rather than detracts.

Great to see you're still on form.

... I might suggest changing 'child' to 'children' in L2 to maintain a steady meter (and provide a hint of internal rhyme to match 'forgotten').

H

[Revolte]

I'm normally allergic to rhyme - but in this case it works well, is not forced and so adds to the sense of the piece rather than detracts.

Great to see you're still on form.

... I might suggest changing 'child' to 'children' in L2 to maintain a steady meter (and provide a hint of internal rhyme to match 'forgotten').

H

thank you!!!!!

yeah i went over that again and again and again and just settled for child's