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Twelve 51
10-18-2011, 08:38 PM
Those who have never been hurt have never had to make choices. Those who have never had to hurt someone have never had to make choices. Life is not something that you can go through without having to experience pain and agony for the things that you love. Life is a challenge for the people who live it. It can come with twists that no one could have possibly even though about, and entire years can be lived in a span of weeks. So we have life, this challenge of trying to find yourself. And within this challenge, comes the ultimate prize: Love.

True love is eternal, beautiful, and perfect. Nothing can mar perfect love, for it is as hard as a diamond, and as patient as a forest. Then there is the serpent's love. This is the love that people find more tantalizing. Unlike a perfect diamond, this Fool's Gold of an emotion does not have to be slowly made out of something as ugly as coal. There is no effort involved in the serpent's love, and at first glance, it is nearly as valuable as the real thing. However, the longer we work this Fool's Gold, the more we see its faults. We see how easily it breaks. We see how it does not glitter as brightly as the true love does. But as we watch the creation of true love, we see how something unlikely turns from an unlikely candidate, into pure brilliance. We see how the true love is tested over and over again, each time getting closer to the state of a diamond. Eventually, with time, the diamond crafting is finished, and we have a perfect duet of human interaction. Two people, sharing their lives in perfect harmony.

So we have the two forms of love. What happens with them? Why should anyone choose a serpent over the truth? Isn't it quite obvious that the serpent can only poison you, while the truth will set you free? But life is not so simple. Life may contain two kinds of love, but the diamond true love is as rare as the stone itself. After finding serpents under every stone, one begins to think that all love is simply Fool's Gold, and they become bitter, never developing any diamonds they find, because they're all too scared to apply any pressure; after all, the Fool's Gold breaks under any kind of stress, why would this love be any different? And thus, the coal remains coal, ugly, unwanted, and worth less than what the serpent gives.

But the coal still exists. Some people get to find a lump of it, and maybe at first they don't realize what it is, but they see that it is different from what they're used to. They see that instead of having a false shine, it has no shine at all; the coal does not lie. So they play around with it. Maybe they toss it around, maybe they try to pound it into dust. Ahh, but the coal does not yield as easily as the Fool's Gold. Au contraire! The coal becomes stronger! It learns, it grows, it develops. As the coal becomes a diamond in the rough, the holder starts to see what he has, and the potential for what can be. He eagerly works on the former coal day and night, trying to see how far he can get with the evolving stone. At this point however, he does not understand what it truly means, he is merely... curious.

But what killed the cat? Humans are no different in that respect. One day, as the holder is working on his diamond in the rough, he finds another stone. Ahh, it is dark on the outside, like coal! It must be another diamond! What else could it be? And so, he puts the diamond in the rough to the side, and begins to work on this new stone. He figures that if he can get both to shine brilliantly, he can reap twice the benefits, and who's to blame him? But, as he starts working on the second black rock, he notices that the diamond begins to gather dust rapidly. He returns to brush it off, but as he leaves, the dust gathers back even faster. The holder does not think it fair! Why should he be delayed by the diamond, for he only wants to see the true identity of the second black rock! Will it truly become a diamond, or is it simply Fool's Gold again, merely covered in a smokescreen? The holder decides to forget the first diamond, and he sits down and intently works the second rock. He works quickly, as fast as he possibly can, molding it, stressing it, and pushing the durability of the stone past its limits. The stone crumbles.

The holder is shocked. However, he sees that the stone that he found, coal or not, could not resist such an extreme amount of pressure so hastily applied. Whereas with the first stone, he was harsh, but he was not in any hurry. Thus, he took his time and developed the coal at a good pace. Realizing his mistake, he turns around, to find the first diamond that he set aside. But he cannot. So much dust has settled onto it by now, that he cannot differentiate between any of the black stones. He searches and searches, and after only seeing more and more Fool's Gold, he finally retires his search. He roams, taking no stones, taking no interest.

He walks until he is too weak to walk. Then he crawls. And then he waits. On his last day, another man passes by the holder and asks what happened to him. The holder replies that he has been searching for a diamond that he lost a long time ago, and the pain that he felt from losing it has lead to his death here today. The man tells the holder that he has only ever seen one diamond in his life. The holder asks if it was as beautiful as his. The man tells him that it was beautiful, but it was also the saddest stone he had ever picked up; He found it by a young boy, neglected and dusty. The man tells the holder than when he picked it up, the young boy never even flinched, never even realized what the man had done, because he was too preoccupied with a stone of his own. The holder asks to see the stone that the man speaks of. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a perfect diamond: No rough edges, no dust, nothing. Simply brilliance, simply perfection.

It was the most beautiful stone that the holder had ever seen, and after taking a long look, he closed his eyes, started crying and whispered "Why?" to himself, until his voice was no more.

hillwalker
10-19-2011, 05:44 AM
An interesting piece - though I did get lost along the way as the metaphors kept
reforming themselves somewhat.
Diamonds/coal/serpents/a cat/a holder (?)/a boy... Phew!

Nor am I too sure what the moral of this tale is.
Keep hold of what you already have, regardless of how it might appear to be worthless... or beware of constantly wanting something better than you already have?

Overall I have to admit that it began to sound more like a sermon than anything else. It's certainly not a story, or even a fable since all you are doing is telling us how to live our lives.

As such one is left wondering why we should listen to your advice since you're a mere mortal like the rest of us. Well-written - but the message left me cold I'm afraid.

H

Twelve 51
10-20-2011, 12:41 AM
What I was trying to get at is that you can only focus on one person at a time, and if you try to set them aside for even a short moment, you could end up with nothing at all.

So I guess it's a story of how if you forsake something that is true love (As the holder[holder of the stone that is] does), then you could end up having someone else taking your true love away from you, while you yourself end with nothing.

The cat part... was kind of silly now that I look back on it. It kind of flowed naturally from the word "curiosity". And I didn't intend for this to sound like I'm imposing any kind of belief system about love, I just wrote this story from my heart and it's just a glimpse of how I feel about a small aspect of love.

I just wanted to get some kind of feedback on this piece, it has a lot of flow problems and the beginning and ending don't really coincide either. It was a free write that I did for fun, so I just decided to see what another person would think.

hillwalker
10-20-2011, 07:40 AM
Ok – I probably came across as heavy handed in my analysis of your trying to give a moral lesson in life. I did get the message up to a point and I wasn’t implying you were presenting a belief system. But the way you make your point is more like a lecture than an illustrative tale.

You mention problems with the flow of the narrative. Perhaps that’s because you have already begun to sum up the point of your story in the opening paragraph and don’t leave it anywhere to go. So you end up repeating the same idea using different metaphors for pretty much the same thing.

In other words the story is already at a standstill from the opening of the piece - so it’s treading water rather than flowing from a generalisation to a conclusion. You link observations of life with making choices and finding love in such a hypothetical way that it does seem you have your own beliefs about how they work and you are going to share these with us.

I’d suggest rethinking how you approach the piece – rather than presenting a thesis on the varieties of love and how they can be misplaced you need to introduce a character for the reader to focus upon. The 'holder of the stone' is a little too enigmatic and appears rather late in the piece. To grab our attention (and sympathies) you need to provide us with someone we can engage with – and through the misfortunes of this character demonstrate how it’s possible to lose the love of your life through neglect or through diverting attention to another fancy.
It achieves the same end result but is more likely to keep us reading right to the end than a rather clinical philosophical dissertation.

H