Which is worse :Divorce or the Death of....

[eighteen_white]

Which is worse you think: Divorce or the Death of your spouse(husband/wife)?Why?

[Buh4Bee]

I'd try to answer this question, but it seems that I need more context. I would like to compare the divorce or death to a specific situation/emotional state. Do you mean you love your spouse and he/she divorces you or you love your spouse and he/she dies? OR You hate your spouse and you get divorce or you hate your spouse and he/she die?

Can you modify your inquiry, so it is more clear?

[Michael T]

Divorce is preferable to death. Both parties at least have the opportunity to go on and enjoy fulfilling lives.

Even if you hated your partner you shouldn't wish death on them any more than you would want them to wish death on you. That sort of hatred will destroy your life more than theirs, and it also goes against the 'Golden Rule'

Lastly, if you could save the life of someone you loved by divorcing them it would surely be a sacrifice that was worthwhile.

I think that covers all the angles!:smilewinkgrin:

[JuniperWoolf]

Death, obviously. What's so terrible about splitting up with someone? They're still alive.

[Dark Muse]

It really would depend upon the circumstances of the situation. But I do have an obsessive-possessive personality so my first initial response is that Death would be better. While I would not actually wish them to die, but I would rather that they lived out the rest of their life with me, than know than have the possibility of them ending up being with another person. And well if they died there would still be love and tenderness towards them, but if they betrayed me, it would shatter everything we once had. I would rather have the love preserved, immortalized in their memory than for us to be turned against each other.

[osho]

This is a very tricky question. Wishing everybody good health, long life and peace is a virtue and wishing death to even our enemy is some thing repulsive. I cannot conceive it. Divorce could be better based on what my civilization has taught me despite the fact that I might have buried inside me a brute that may sponsor a vendetta. I choose nonviolence though I understand its limits and practicality.

[Scheherazade]

Just wondering... Not because it would be a determining factor, you see, but out of sheer curiousity, which one would be less costly?

[Abookinthebath]

Just wondering... Not because it would be a determining factor, you see, but out of sheer curiousity, which one would be less costly?

LOL! Death every time! Get the spouse insured properly and you can make loads of money! Plus, less money on solicitors!


Or, did you mean emotional cost......?

[Michael T]

Just wondering... Not because it would be a determining factor, you see, but out of sheer curiousity, which one would be less costly?

Oh Scher, this place would be a lot duller without you. :smile5:

[Buh4Bee]

Death is worst, given, whichever feelings you have toward your spouse.

[LadyLuck]

I actually have to disagree. In so many ways, I feel like divorce is worse. If your spouse dies, then even if it is sudden there is little to understand about it. Everyone will die, and I tend to firmly believe that when it is time, it is time. With divorce, you are left with the undying need to understand what went wrong. Where did things get so complicated that they stopped working, and is there anything that you could have done to change it. You are also left to deal with all the same issues that you had, but now there is a new layer of complexity added into the mix. If your spouse is dead, you grieve and move on, but with divorce you grieve but have to learn to cope with being near that person each day with no remainder of love and intimacy that you once shared. It is much more difficult to maintain your grip on the happy memories.

[Gregory Samsa]

Divorce could be wonderful. You are finally free, you don't have to fight and you can start something new. More people should break up.

[Pensive]

Death, obviously. What's so terrible about splitting up with someone? They're still alive.

:lol:

I am not sure if I was supposed to laugh at it though. :p

[Galvin500]

I don’t know. I think both death and divorce have the same gamut of emotions. Both involve the loss of someone you love, or loved at one time. Both involve major changes in life styles. Both involve “what-ifs”. Both leave you as the proverbial “fifth wheel” in your group of friends. Either death or divorce could follow a prolonged period of fighting the happening or could happen suddenly, like a bolt of lightning. Either of them could bring devastation or relief. In either case, a single woman could be a perceived threat to married friends. Neither is a good thing, but both are part of life.

[astrum]

It depends.

To some people, divorce can be worse--especially if they're still in love with their exes, and their ex marries someone else. Divorce also is often expensive.


Death can be worse in some circumstances. We need more context.

[Ecurb]

Next question: which is worse, death or marriage?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Are not marriage and divorce similar? The former is the sun-rise of love and the latter sun-set of love, moreover, financially speaking, both are a burden on ones wallet, seemingly a costly affair. Is it?

[astrum]

Are not marriage and divorce similar? The former is the sun-rise of love and the latter sun-set of love, moreover, financially speaking, both are a burden on ones wallet, seemingly a costly affair. Is it?


There are some who'd disagree with that statement: http://www.npr.org/2012/09/13/161017580/can-marriage-save-single-mothers-from-poverty

[JuniperWoolf]

To some people, divorce can be worse if they're still in love with their exes, and their ex marries someone else.

No no no, if you love someone then death is worse every time. Having someone you love die is the worst thing in the world, much worse than having them ignore you.


Next question: which is worse, death or marriage?

:thumbsup:

[Darcy88]

I'd much rather an ex of mine go on to live a long life of sadness and suffering and come to deeply regret either leaving me or pushing me away than have them slip into the peaceful oblivion of death. Therefore, death is worse.

[Bleeding Pawn]

There are some who'd disagree with that statement: http://www.npr.org/2012/09/13/161017580/can-marriage-save-single-mothers-from-poverty

The link was a good read. Agreed that we should help, in one way or the other, but the report`s main objective for suggesting marriage between couples is just to eliminate poverty, not love? It does not mention anything nor is not concerned with the emotional and social well being for the single mother and her kid/s, neither do they consider any mutual effection is needed for being bonded together.

Now,to clarify, I am not against any act/campaign that eradicates poverty nor against the natural union between two human being ( it seems so , since there aresome that mistook my statement in a negative way), but what I wanted to say was that weddings, in modern times,tend to be extravagant in nature, sometimes ending up being lavish to the details. The expenditure raised/brought up for these kind of ceremonies could go to some authentic charitable organisations or be used to arranged for communal weddings.

No doubt, every women has the desire to feel and be treated like a princess at least once in her life but then she would surely comprehend if the sole aim here is to stamp out poverty.

[cacian]

there is no question divorce is more messy and therefore more traumatic long terms because it affects both parties in some ways.
death however is unpredictable and therefore when it hits it is a fact of life it is very sad but it is less obviously traumatic then the above situation.

[Darcy88]

there is no question divorce is more messy and therefore more traumatic long terms because it affects both parties in some ways.
death however is unpredictable and therefore when it hits it is a fact of life it is very sad but it is less obviously traumatic then the above situation.

I don't see how the death of a spouse would be any less traumatic than divorce.

[cacian]

I don't see how the death of a spouse would be any less traumatic than divorce.

well dying is a fact of life and so if either wife or husband died then at least one does not feel guilt responsibility towards one's destiny/faith because death is what it is it happens.
divorce however is messier because it symbolises failure from either parties. it makes one feel guilty responsible and unworthy. there are many aspects of divorce that are not very nice one feels let down or simply emotionally injured. It is not nice when a husband or a wife decide to leave because it makes one feel anxious belittled hurt. Rejection is what divorce is about and humans do not cope with rejection very well whereas death is what it says on the packet one has reached one's final destiny and that is nobody else's fault but death.
it is clearly very different emotion wise.

[Darcy88]

well dying is a fact of life and so if either wife or husband died then at least one does not feel guilt responsibility towards one's destiny/faith because death is what it is it happens.
divorce however is messier because it symbolises failure from either parties. it makes one feel guilty responsible and unworthy. there are many aspects of divorce that are not very nice one feels let down or simply emotionally injured. It is not nice when a husband or a wife decide to leave because it makes one feel anxious belittled hurt. Rejection is what divorce is about and humans do not cope with rejection very well whereas death is what it says on the packet one has reached one's final destiny and that is nobody else's fault but death.
it is clearly very different emotion wise.

If you have children then you have to live through your children's grief over them losing a father or mother. Divorce could mean the end of much conflict and discord, while the death of a spouse might suddenly strike amidst a period of marital happiness.

The only positive thing that can come from the death of a spouse is that unlike divorce you are not obligated to shell out alimony in perpetuity, and there is also much sympathy to be had. As the wise Jerry Seinfeld discovered, the best back-story for picking up a woman is that you are a widower.

[cacian]

[
QUOTE=Darcy88;1220076]If you have children then you have to live through your children's grief over them losing a father or mother. Divorce could mean the end of much conflict and discord, while the death of a spouse might suddenly strike amidst a period of marital happiness.

true but there is damage long terms with children separated from a marital family home to a suddenly new environment where mum or dad are either single or cohabiting with new partners. children tend to suffer more this kind of loss then a death loss.
the death of either a wife or a husband mum or dad comes with much healing and quicker because as you mentioned it happened amidst a period of marital happiness. the point of this is that happiness should not come in slices in a marriage because harmony is from the onset.
marriage equals happiness and if it is not because it only comes in dribs and drabs and not always then there is something not quite right. only be with someone if you are to be content always and not just here and there.


The only positive thing that can come from the death of a spouse is that unlike divorce you are not obligated to shell out alimony in perpetuity, and there is also much sympathy to be had. As the wise Jerry Seinfeld discovered, the best back-story for picking up a woman is that you are a widower.
true and that is what modern society is about marriage because it is the a lucrative alliance for the state to make money, it may look perfectly legitimate and good for society but its drawbacks are cost high and therefore much beneficial to others. money must come from somewhere and marriage is the perfect assets for money makers.

[Darcy88]

[

true but there is damage long terms with children separated from a marital family home to a suddenly new environment where mum or dad are either single or cohabiting with new partners. children tend to suffer more this kind of loss then a death loss.


I really doubt that is true. I think most kids would rather their parents got divorced than one of them should die.

[cacian]

I really doubt that is true. I think most kids would rather their parents got divorced than one of them should die.

well yes you are right in this one but I am thinking long term. children form divorced families tend to do less well in their own private lives and therein then those whose mum or dad died whilst they were growing up. the impact of divorce is more serious then that of a death. ideally none would occur but I think divorce is more pending damage wise then death albeit both are extremely sad. their grievances are different in terms of long term emotional baggage/damage.

[*Classic*Charm*]

I'd much rather an ex of mine go on to live a long life of sadness and suffering and come to deeply regret either leaving me or pushing me away than have them slip into the peaceful oblivion of death. Therefore, death is worse.

Thinking like this makes me very sad. I don't mean you personally Darcy, but your post is a good example of how many people I have encountered seem to think.

Just because someone you love/d doesn't love you anymore, you would wish suffering or death on them? Wow.

[Darcy88]

Thinking like this makes me very sad. I don't mean you personally Darcy, but your post is a good example of how many people I have encountered seem to think.

Just because someone you love/d doesn't love you anymore, you would wish suffering or death on them? Wow.

No, not death. I've never wished death on anyone. My post was mostly kidding. I have friendships with a couple of my exes. One girl I dated took a massive nose-dive after we stopped seeing each other. Got an abusive new boyfriend and started doing hard drugs, lost her friends and her job. Few things have saddened me more than what happened to her. But in a couple instances I was harshly rejected and I'll admit that I do not "wish the best" for those two young women.

[JuniperWoolf]

Don't worry, I picked up on the joke in your post.

[*Classic*Charm*]

No, not death. I've never wished death on anyone. My post was mostly kidding. I have friendships with a couple of my exes. One girl I dated took a massive nose-dive after we stopped seeing each other. Got an abusive new boyfriend and started doing hard drugs, lost her friends and her job. Few things have saddened me more than what happened to her. But in a couple instances I was harshly rejected and I'll admit that I do not "wish the best" for those two young women.

I honestly wasn't using you as an example, merely your words. Didn't mean to sound accusatory :)

[astrum]

I really doubt that is true. I think most kids would rather their parents got divorced than one of them should die.

I think it might also depend on the age of the children.

[LiraelG]

The death of a spouse is the worst is pretty much every scenario... If you divorce, the person you care about is able to continue their life and can - hopefully - live happily and healthily. If someone is or was once important to you, if you once loved them, you should want that for them, even if it's painful to see them move on at first.

The only time death is a better option is when they have an illness or something which will not improve and they have no quality of life. I would not want a loved one to go through months/years of pain. I would never wish death upon them, but I would long for them to be at peace. (It's a rather delicate topic)