Sunflower

[Revolte]

Covered up by needle blankets
my fragile heart was stabbed
and dressed my skin in acid blood
-the good that poured out bad.

When from a silence woke a cry
to whispering ghost above,
despite my pain and vacant heart
it seems I fell in love.

So call me blind and call me fool
to this I have no shame,
I'll walk this path of rigged rock
and love through days of rain.

For though I'm drenched in fear and spite
and thunder calls the hour
for you I breath and you I dream
in beds of love's sunflower.

[hillwalker]

I'm surprised no one has yet commented on this one. It starts off a little scratchily but would make great lyrics for a song methinks.

'sunflower' at the finish is my only major quibble - it's a strange image, and it doesn't fit the beat since we don't pronounce the word with a stress on the first syllable. Something along the lines of 'within my lonely bower' fits the meter better - but I'm sure you can find a better one.

H

[free]

I like the music of your poem. It sounds like persuasion, like promissing to yourself, to your love that you belong to it. And the finale in the sunflower is great, from my point of view. The round and concentric shape of it, gives your poem the symbolism of eternity. Good write!

[Delta40]

I didn't mind the rhyme in this at all and found the rhythm and word usage contained a classic feel, if that makes any sense whatsoever! Sunflower did stick out a bit at the end though.