Retreat

[_Shannon_]

The irony is not lost on her-
that she, whose hiding place has always been words;
her solace and tender back-of-hand-to-cheek caresses
found in creased pages of musty books;
that she, should find words spoken
so empty and devoid of promise.

An almost undetectable snarl of her upper lip,
shaking her head,
knowing it is all meaningless-
just sounds without connection.
She retreats again to words,
running her fingers over yellowed paper;
the closest thing she has to home.

[Bar22do]

It is a sad, atmospheric poem, of a lonely soul whose home are written words... I love it a lot, Shannon, though from this cold and hostile internet café I can't be more eloquent. So just to tell you I have read and appreciated a lot. Sometimes I myself feel reading/writing is what builds my homeland, my city, my street, my home, myself... Best from Bar!

[hillwalker]

The first verse is outstanding - which probably explains why I found the next 5 lines at the start of the second one a little weak.

You pull things back on track with the closing couplet but I'm wondering whether it was essential to portray the character's unrest in quite such a physical manner.

H

[blank|verse]

Yes, it is aching with sadness, but I agree that the first stanza is stronger, and seems to express the poet's intent; while the second stanza fizzles out a bit. It could be removed altogether, but I think that would be too short. Maybe there's something more that can be wrought out of the sentiment of the first stanza?

(And I'd also consider removing the repetition of 'that she' from line 5.)

[PrinceMyshkin]

It wasn't clear to me whether "words spoken" referred to some recent words or to all spoken words, but what solemn beauty there is in the construction of this.

[Delta40]

welcome back Shannon. I loved the first stanza particularly which was irony filled with a hint of anger.

[_Shannon_]

Thanks so much y'all for the feedback! I haven't written in months and months so I was just so excited that something, anything came out that I didn't worry very much about messing with it. But I think I'll play around a bit with the second part and see what comes out.

Prince--I think when I wrote it, it was sort specific words, but also all words. I'm more of a "show me" person, rather than a "tell me" person.

Hill..I was reading Reznikoff when I wrote it....that explains the physicality of my disgruntlement, I think. LOL!

It is wonderful to "see" you all again!!

[Buh4Bee]

It's an elegant description of a woman lost in a book. I think you do an incredible job showing your audience who this woman is. A much enjoyed read.

[cafolini]

I found this a very interesting write. Goes along with overcoming in thought and action. Indeed the closest thing to home.