Tales of a Lover!!

[Ashutosh]

Passing by those murky lanes filled with the fragrance of desire
Echoing voices loathing the ever-burning lover’s pyre
The last words written on the walls of the infamous street
The chained souls died apart and longed to meet

Passing by those murky lanes, warned by the restless passers-by
Never to pass the limit and let my desires die
Forbidden desires are all I have to live for
Not ashamed of being beaten, stoned or called a whore
If death is the only answer of my love to survive
Let another lover burn of being a love deprive

Passing by those murky lanes, listening to the hymns of peace
The humans, animals and “love-haters” enchanted by peace
Enraged with disbelief, questioning the existence of peace
Will there be peace if at all the love is allowed to cease??

The twilight bewitched brightened the walls of the infamous streets
A second tale was written of the lover who never meets
Lying unfazed, numb, breathless, they vow to die
Only to narrate the tale to every lover who crosses the streets

[Buh4Bee]

This is actually a very very good poem, but I needed to read it more than once. I'm not a fan of the theme as I am a believer in peace and not one for the tormented soul.

This is very well craft; the way the narrator's voice weaves through the story. It is almost like prose, in this sense. I thought it was about love, but realized that it seems about lust or passion. It seems like a one-sided love affair:
If death is the only answer of my love to survive
Let another lover burn of being a love deprive

Just my impressions.

I apologize for being so dense, but it really is very good. Maybe you should re-post it in the poetry section.

[yusbutt]

Forbidden desires are all I have to live for
Not ashamed of being beaten, stoned or called a whore



Now that's so bold! Bravo! :wink5:

[hillwalker]

It's an original exploration of what some might consider a taboo subject - a love poem written from the perspective a street-walker if I read it correctly. I don't consider it bold - just refreshing.

However, I find some of the lines a little awkward - mainly because you've decided to include a rather strict rhyming pattern that retricts the way you express yourself.

For example -

If death is the only answer of my love to survive
Let another lover burn of being a love deprive

the first line is awkward - and the second doesn't actually make any sort of sense.

There's also a great deal of repetition that is presumably intentional, but I felt if you had tightened it up it would get the message across much more effectively.

But a great first posting all the same

H