Black Dog Friend

[Delta40]

I really need you here
to share a cup of cheap instant coffee
while we mull over the mundane,
sit in our separate voids,
watching cigarette smoke curl into nothingness.
You'll understand much better than me
why I'm breaking down
and we can re-live our own personal pain.
Analyse me like an amateur therapist
while I mope around in my slippers,
mystified by triggers that set me off on a rollercoaster.
I can't hold on as I loop de loop.
If nothing else, swim with me
in that pool of bewilderment which ties us
together as friends.

[Hawkman]

How does it go? "A trouble shared is a trouble doubled..." ;)

Actually there is something rather disarming in this plea but it isn't flawless I'm afraid.

Lines 3 - 5 aren't quite right. The use of commas at the ends of lines 3 & 4 creates a list so line 5 should really be "and watch..." rather than "watching". Alternatively perhaps:

"while we mull over the mundane,
sitting in our separate voids,
watching cigarette smoke... "

and then there's: "You'll understand much better than me" which ought to be "...than I" but hardly anybody speaks like this, so who cares :)

I really liked it for its simplicity and "...swim with me in that pool of bewilderment..." which is just marvellous.

Live and be well - H

[MystyrMystyry]

I think you captured the condition quite well Delta, though I'm not sure including the word 'depression' directly works. I mean working a poem out is half the fun (even though the title is self-descriptive). Maybe try something like the crashed wave (okay, that was a weak example) or something else in that line

[Delta40]

I think you captured the condition quite well Delta, though I'm not sure including the word 'depression' directly works. I mean working a poem out is half the fun (even though the title is self-descriptive). Maybe try something like the crashed wave (okay, that was a weak example) or something else in that line

Edited at your request.

[MystyrMystyry]

Done to my satisfaction, though hopefully yours also Delta - you're the artist after all. Hey, how about a happy poem? :)

[Delta40]

Done to my satisfaction, though hopefully yours also Delta - you're the artist after all. Hey, how about a happy poem? :)

lol. No can do while I'm caught in the wheels of mania...! :party: