An attempt at horror

[Delusion]

I don't usually write horror, but I've given it a go! If you think I can improve certain things in this story, go ahead and say so. Criticism is welcome :)

As the last of the supplies passed his lips, he knew he didn't have long left. No water, no food, no life.
This would mean leaving the stronghold, a danger he would embark upon on the rarest of occasions and this was only when it was of utmost urgency.
He walked up to the bolted door and slid down the grimy cover to the peephole; it was night. This was the worst possible time he could have even considered leaving as this was when they were awake. Keeping track of time had died out along with humanity, all power was out and there was no point in owning a watch, you could tell enough from night and day. If it got dark, you went home, you didn't ever stray too far.

He waited till morning, drifting in and out of a nightmare filled sleep, willing the day to come along. He slipped on his coat and shoes and went to the door, unbolted the many locks attatched and slid down the heavy oak barricade, exposing a door handle that he twisted and pulled, exposing himself to the harsh daylight. He paced down the road at an amazing speed, both concerned for his safety and very hungry. Upon arrival, he entered with extreme caution, some of them could still be in there sleeping or feeding on their latest catch. He pushed the door open that gave a mild wail as the long unused hinges screeched into life. This gave off a lot more sound than he was hoping, but it hadn't seem to stir anything from its sleep. He stepped into the building and closed his eyes, exhaled and listened. "creak, creak, creak, creak..." he opened his eyes, twisting to run for the door but it was too late. With a grimace on his face he was dragged down onto the floor, legs writhing to kick his attacker, almost helpless. There was nothing he could do. There was a sharp screech from its mouth and the sound of sprinting footsteps, he closed his eyes, willing it to be faster.

Delusion

[hillwalker]

Nowhere near as horrific as it could be - certainly the first half of this story is merely background (and not very scary) and the second half is so flimsy that the it's impossible to care about the main character. You make no attempt to set a credible scenario or monster. If horror is not believeable it is not horror.

Right at the beginning I found the first sentence difficult to get to grips with - 'supplies' passing his lips? The word 'supplies' can mean anything from sacks of horse feed to tin tacks, building blocks, fishing nets, writing paper, etc. etc. Not the best of word choices.

Then part two starts slowly - describing how he put on his coat and shoes for example which is totally irrelevant unless he's going out shopping in the rain. It's not even as if you were trying to crank up the suspense since there's none in sight so far. This kind of detail is just filler.
And you make it even more absurd with the image of someone 'pacing' down a road 'at an amazing speed' - is it Road Runner?? I think you seriously need to re-examine your choice of words.Might I suggest you invest in a Thesaurus.

Then he arrives - but since we're not told where he arrives the reader feels excluded from the events taking place. There's very little for us to picture - we don't even get much hint of what terrors he is facing. Consequently by the time he was caught (and presumably devoured) I wasn't particularly bothered.

Horror can be great fun to conjure up - and for the reader it is meant to make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end or your flesh creep. This has got a long way to go before it manages to achieve either. I suggest you read some examples of the genre - Stephen King is as good as any - to get an idea how to create a sinister setting and drive the plot forward whilst building up tension. This is far too skimpy and full of holes to merit much attention I'm afraid.

H