The end...

[sympathygrl]

The treasure of my life calls me
It shows me this world's eternity
I close my eyes because I have no trust,
I finally disappear when the sun turns rust.
It takes me to a land unknown,
Down on the surface I see my same old bone.
I know I can't get back….
Thinking about this short life,
It went with the blink of eyes.
Maybe it’s a dream of a terrible death,
I'm missing my life which I used to hate.

I can't feel the atmosphere in this dark night.
I miss the lightning flames so bright.
Yes, its over, everything has its end.
Why am I missing the nature's rain?
This pain is so unreal…
I know its never going to heal…
I know I can't get back….
Thinking about this short life,
It went with the blink of eyes.
Maybe it’s a dream of a terrible death,
I'm missing my life which I used to hate.

[osho]

This poem moves me and I find in this an enigma about our desires and aspirations. Today we are losing trust and the way we are witnessing the incessant number of tragedies in every walk of life we almost feel incapable of seeing the beauty of life. There is no doubt beauty in life and it has a meaning though it is short –lived and our ken is blurred and we cannot visualize that eternal beauty of life.

The poet seems to perceive the treasure of life and is sure there is a rain of hope too but the dream of death, maybe death here is figuratively whispered, and maybe death on our hopes, our hopes for a beautiful life, is deserting her. The poet understands the pain is a kind of delirium and yet fails to arrive at a panacea.

The poem, over all is moving.

[hillwalker]

I like the repeated line that closes each verse - missing something you once hated suggesting you are growing up and learning to appreciate things that seemed unbearable when you were younger.

There are perhaps one or two phrases that sound as if they would fit better in a pop song rather than a poem exploring self-awareness :

This pain is so unreal…
I know its never going to heal… in particular stands out as a little cheesy,

and

It takes me to a land unknown,
Down on the surface I see my same old bone.

where you have obviously included 'my same old bone' to provide a rhyme (when in fact the expression doesn't convey a very clear image).

But overall I enjoyed this and can appreciate the sentiments that impelled you to write it. Well worth reading - thanks for sharing it with us, and let's have more.

H

[Buh4Bee]

Yes, I also really enjoyed the sound and rhythm.

[osho]

Poetry with beauty, simplicity and lusciously lucidity is born with this poem of a new young poet from a third world. We have enough of complex, philosophical stuff . Now tired of exhausting hard poems this one comes as something that can entertain us in a different light far from a world of rhetoric and bombastic things.

[Delta40]

I liked the stream of consciousness in this poem but also the reflective nature of it. However, I think the rhyming device diminished it by stemming its free flow and making it more structured which IMHO is not the essence of the poem.

[Bar22do]

I agree with Delta entirely. But there is a nice rhythm to your poem, I believe you could achieve the same without rhyming. A nice read, Sympa! best, Bar

[sympathygrl]

I am glad that I got nice responses from these literature lovers.
Osho has got the real meaning of my poetry and thank you for your reply.
Thank you, Delta and Bar for enjoying it.
Now I've got the inspiration to write more and am very thankful to this website.

Hillwalker,
Yes, I used 'my same old bone' to rhyme but I have tried to explain something through it. 'My same old bone' has been used here to describe the memory of the treasure 'life' after we lose it. We look at all matters which reminds us of the treasure and regret about what we didn't value and today we realize, those were the things which could have made our life even more beautiful. Here 'my same old bone' is the memory which reminds us of our beautiful and valuable 'life'.

Thanks for the responses, I'm hoping for some more. :)

[Buh4Bee]

Really, no honorable mention? LOL!

[sympathygrl]

Oh, sorry Buh,
Thank you
Don't mind please.
:)

[Buh4Bee]

I was just having fun. No worries!