Steven Hunley
10-08-2011, 11:41 PM
Vampires R Us
by Steven Hunley
I don’t know if you’ve been seeing what I have lately out there in society but you’d have to be just plain dead to ignore it. And I don’t mean living dead either. There’s a lot of vampire stuff going on out there. Bella Lugosi, god rest his immortal soul, would be turning over in his grave. His “children of the night” would be howling in protest, I assure you. There’s just too many teen-age girls going crazy, especially under the effects of a full moon.
Half- crazed with Lunar madness or Vampire fever, lines of them spill out of different movie theaters and pool down streets like fresh blood from Italian gangsters on Saint Valentine’s day in Chicago when Al Capone was around.
Why is this, what is this, you say? I’ll tell you. It a case of teen madness not seen since nineteen sixty four when the Beatles hit the US like a wool blanket from Liverpool. Or should I say Loverpool? Like the unreachable Fab Four, these vampires are safe. Teen girl-hood knows down it it’s candy-loving coke-drinking heart that they’re safe. It’s the old Romeo and Juliet bit. I heard two of those girls talking,
“Do you think if he loves her enough he'll resist biting her?”
“I dunno, he’s such a handsome creature! I’d give him a nibble for free.”
“If you did, your mother would ground you. Look what she did last week when you came home with those hickies!”
And that’s another thing. It gives them something to talk about. Just what teen girls need. So because vampires have become fashionable, and because they are so twenty-first century, I’m afraid we’re going to have to get used to them.
Let’s pray that wolf-men aren’t next. I have enough cat hair on my rug the way it is.
I did a seance last night and dug up the spirit of Bella Lugosi. We reached him with the help of a Ouija board. I could tell it was him, on account of his Hungarian accent and the smell of boiled cabbage.
“What do you think of all this twenty-first century vampire stuff, Bella, isn’t it awful?”
“Well, you know, I’ve been dead so many years, I’ve grown philosophical about the whole thing. It doesn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I like it. It’s good for business!”
“Then you’re willing to celebrate it?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I think I am.”
“OK then, how about of glass of wine? I’ll toast.”
Then suddenly Bella grew angry and reminded me of his pedigree.
“Make mine grape juice. I never drink vine.”
Darn Hungarian accent anyway. Personally, I can’t wait for the Twilight to fade.
©Steven Hunley 2011
by Steven Hunley
I don’t know if you’ve been seeing what I have lately out there in society but you’d have to be just plain dead to ignore it. And I don’t mean living dead either. There’s a lot of vampire stuff going on out there. Bella Lugosi, god rest his immortal soul, would be turning over in his grave. His “children of the night” would be howling in protest, I assure you. There’s just too many teen-age girls going crazy, especially under the effects of a full moon.
Half- crazed with Lunar madness or Vampire fever, lines of them spill out of different movie theaters and pool down streets like fresh blood from Italian gangsters on Saint Valentine’s day in Chicago when Al Capone was around.
Why is this, what is this, you say? I’ll tell you. It a case of teen madness not seen since nineteen sixty four when the Beatles hit the US like a wool blanket from Liverpool. Or should I say Loverpool? Like the unreachable Fab Four, these vampires are safe. Teen girl-hood knows down it it’s candy-loving coke-drinking heart that they’re safe. It’s the old Romeo and Juliet bit. I heard two of those girls talking,
“Do you think if he loves her enough he'll resist biting her?”
“I dunno, he’s such a handsome creature! I’d give him a nibble for free.”
“If you did, your mother would ground you. Look what she did last week when you came home with those hickies!”
And that’s another thing. It gives them something to talk about. Just what teen girls need. So because vampires have become fashionable, and because they are so twenty-first century, I’m afraid we’re going to have to get used to them.
Let’s pray that wolf-men aren’t next. I have enough cat hair on my rug the way it is.
I did a seance last night and dug up the spirit of Bella Lugosi. We reached him with the help of a Ouija board. I could tell it was him, on account of his Hungarian accent and the smell of boiled cabbage.
“What do you think of all this twenty-first century vampire stuff, Bella, isn’t it awful?”
“Well, you know, I’ve been dead so many years, I’ve grown philosophical about the whole thing. It doesn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I like it. It’s good for business!”
“Then you’re willing to celebrate it?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I think I am.”
“OK then, how about of glass of wine? I’ll toast.”
Then suddenly Bella grew angry and reminded me of his pedigree.
“Make mine grape juice. I never drink vine.”
Darn Hungarian accent anyway. Personally, I can’t wait for the Twilight to fade.
©Steven Hunley 2011