Delta40
10-08-2011, 10:21 PM
Everyone says he's got Aspergers but I'm not really sure what that is. I heard another name for it was the Napoleon Complex but I could be wrong but what is odd is that he usually has his right hand tucked between his shirt buttons. Anyway, every evening around six, he walks his two king charles terriers along the streets, stopping at many houses to talk. It's just bad luck if you happen to be on the verandah, enjoying the sunset. He strolls up and calls out the customary 'G'day' and a hand wave. Courtesy demands a return wave but not necessarily a reply but a response is all he needs. It's as if by waving I've invited him onto my property. There is no turning back and fleeing into the house. No. Howard starts talking before he gets within ten metres of his victims.
'So. What's been going on with you lately?' I try to stonewall by saying 'nothing much' but and I might be wrong here, his Aspergers doesn't pick up subtle cues.
'That's not what I hear.'
'What do you mean?'
'A little birdie told me you're having some trouble with your daughter.' My teeth clench. So what if I am? It's none of his business for starters. I ask myself who the little birdie is then decide it doesn't matter. I tell a bare faced lie.
'I dunno what you're talking about Howard.' We've had some ups and downs lately but nothing to write home about and especially nothing I would want to talk to Howard to. It's the kind of response he is looking for. I know he sees it as an opening for more chat.
'I have to say, the last few times I've seen her down the shops, she's dressed pretty inappropriately in my book.' In his book? Howard swears by the bible and he and his mousey little wife drag their children off to church every Sunday. The rest of the week he spends spreading gossip about anyone and everyone to disinterested neighbours. He's probably already told number 28 his deep concerns for my daughter.
I manage a tight smile and say we've all got our own standards and challenges in life. His oldest son is retarded and masturbates in public but I'd never 'express' my concern about that to him because it would be like water off a duck's back. The neighbourhood all knows what a perverted creep his son is except that is, for Howard who remains blissfully unaware that his son has any 'troubles' whatsoever.
While these thoughts run through my head, he starts to babble on about the guy that lives at the back of him. Adrian. An Aboriginal Elder.
'Do you know what they were doing in their back yard on Saturday?'
"I'm really not interested Howard.' Aspergers makes anything I say meaningless because Howard is on a mission to tell all to whoever will listen.
'They were drinking so heavy that a fight broke out. I watched the whole thing. I should have grabbed my phone but I was worried I'd miss something. Lord they live like animals! He's got more junk in his backyard than a scrapyard dealer.' He laughs at his own wit and I can't take his hypocrisy any longer.
'What the hell are you doing peering over into your neighbours back yard? Jesus Howard perhaps all the times Adrian abuses you is because the poor bastard can't get any privacy!' Howard is 6.5ft tall and his property is raised higher than Adrian's so all he has to do is stand there and watch.
Howard actually reacts a little to this, then shakes his head.
'I've been a member of this community for just as long as him and I want to make sure him and his crew don't take things too far. We've all got a civil duty.'
Well that sounds cool in principal but the only reason he spies on Adrian is because he believes Aboriginals are not as evolved as the rest of us and we need to keep a constant vigil in case they do something barbaric. I have no idea where this coincides with the bible but it doesn't seem to cause Howard any issues. He's a hard working christian looking out for his community. That means regular calls to the Police whenever he thinks Adrian might be involved in practices that he deems unsavoury. When there are crimes reported in the local area, Howard picks up the phone and 'tips off' Neighbourhood Watch about the fact that Adrian is an Abo and probably did it since he obviously needs money.
'You're such a racist.'
'I'm sorry you feel that way but I guess being a single mother, it's no easy journey for you and you better be careful of folk like Adrian. They'll take advantage of you as soon as look at you.'
It's his absolute ignorance to his own prejudice that gets my shackles up. His wife regularly goes to 'stay with friends' She's going crazy actually. Trying to be a good christian wife, nurture her pervo son and pander to the demands of her self-righteous husband. But apparently, that is much better than being a single parent who gets along with their kids for the most part, nothwithstanding the everyday teenage crap.
'Honestly Howard. I get offended when you come here slandering Adrian. I know him and he does the best he can with the way he's been raised. He means no harm and keeps himself to himself. He doesn't go door knocking spreading gossip and rumours around about his neighbours like some people.'
So it's a big speech and any normal person would have either taken offense or apologized and left. But not Howard. He scrutinizes me for a moment.
'What's happening with you? Are you ok?'
'Of course I'm ok! I just don't like to indulge in slagging folk off.'
'Well I don't agree with it either. I was just telling John how when I rang Homeswest about Adrian that they wouldn't even tell me whether he has been paying his rent or not. At first I was annoyed because if he isn't then I can apply for a conviction order and get you lot to sign a petition but on second thoughts I decided it's probably better if I don't know at the moment because I don't really have quite enough proof to put my application forward so I think I'll just wait.'
Has the world gone stupid? Does Aspergers have anything to do with this *******? It probably doesn't but because he uses his prejudices to dictate his behaviour, I figure it's only fair to give it back.
'You're not a full quid are you? I mean you've got one of those awful conditions that make you a social outcast. Gee that must be so hard to live with Howard, knowing that nobody really likes you.'
For the first time, Howard takes his right hand from between the buttons of his shirt and looks at me. I return the gaze, deciding that I'm up for telling him just what I think of him. Finally, he smiles sympathetically.
'It's alright. I heard you've been in Alma Street recently. I suppose that's when your daughter started playing up. It's a shame she isn't doing anything worthwhile with her life but I at least hope with a mentally sick mother, she helps you round the house.'
Honestly! Nothing sinks into this guy's twisted brain. Anything I say which could be construed as insulting is dumped squarely back on my shoulders because I've got problems. I'm itching to leap out of my chair and tell him to get lost but he rattles on while one of his dogs takes a leak on my plants.
'Did you know Irene down the street was there once too? When I told her about you she was worried. You should get to know her. She's actually a member of our congregation.'
'You know what Howard? I don't want to know anyone who is part of your congregation. Now if you don't mind, I've got things to do.' I rise as if to go back into the house but Howard doesn't notice.
'So apart from your general troubles, is life treating you ok?' His dogs start yapping when they see my cat but he doesn't move from my porch and waits patiently for an answer.
'Goodbye Howard.' I reply as I retreat inside and close the front door. My heart is beating so fast and I'm actually shaking. He calls out to me.
'I'll come round tomorrow. There's some pictures of Adrian's family I took with my phone that I think you'll be very interested in seeing.' Finally he walks down my driveway, across the road to number 27 where an old lady is watering her lawn. I imagine he will fill her in with the latest about me and Adrian while probing her for info so he can pass it along to the next property he walks past.
Inside, I make a cup of tea and berate myself for being so rude. Not because I don't want to hurt his feelings but because it's like a poison overflowing in me.
I make a mental note to visit my mother tomorrow evening and tell her all about my neighbour Howard.
'So. What's been going on with you lately?' I try to stonewall by saying 'nothing much' but and I might be wrong here, his Aspergers doesn't pick up subtle cues.
'That's not what I hear.'
'What do you mean?'
'A little birdie told me you're having some trouble with your daughter.' My teeth clench. So what if I am? It's none of his business for starters. I ask myself who the little birdie is then decide it doesn't matter. I tell a bare faced lie.
'I dunno what you're talking about Howard.' We've had some ups and downs lately but nothing to write home about and especially nothing I would want to talk to Howard to. It's the kind of response he is looking for. I know he sees it as an opening for more chat.
'I have to say, the last few times I've seen her down the shops, she's dressed pretty inappropriately in my book.' In his book? Howard swears by the bible and he and his mousey little wife drag their children off to church every Sunday. The rest of the week he spends spreading gossip about anyone and everyone to disinterested neighbours. He's probably already told number 28 his deep concerns for my daughter.
I manage a tight smile and say we've all got our own standards and challenges in life. His oldest son is retarded and masturbates in public but I'd never 'express' my concern about that to him because it would be like water off a duck's back. The neighbourhood all knows what a perverted creep his son is except that is, for Howard who remains blissfully unaware that his son has any 'troubles' whatsoever.
While these thoughts run through my head, he starts to babble on about the guy that lives at the back of him. Adrian. An Aboriginal Elder.
'Do you know what they were doing in their back yard on Saturday?'
"I'm really not interested Howard.' Aspergers makes anything I say meaningless because Howard is on a mission to tell all to whoever will listen.
'They were drinking so heavy that a fight broke out. I watched the whole thing. I should have grabbed my phone but I was worried I'd miss something. Lord they live like animals! He's got more junk in his backyard than a scrapyard dealer.' He laughs at his own wit and I can't take his hypocrisy any longer.
'What the hell are you doing peering over into your neighbours back yard? Jesus Howard perhaps all the times Adrian abuses you is because the poor bastard can't get any privacy!' Howard is 6.5ft tall and his property is raised higher than Adrian's so all he has to do is stand there and watch.
Howard actually reacts a little to this, then shakes his head.
'I've been a member of this community for just as long as him and I want to make sure him and his crew don't take things too far. We've all got a civil duty.'
Well that sounds cool in principal but the only reason he spies on Adrian is because he believes Aboriginals are not as evolved as the rest of us and we need to keep a constant vigil in case they do something barbaric. I have no idea where this coincides with the bible but it doesn't seem to cause Howard any issues. He's a hard working christian looking out for his community. That means regular calls to the Police whenever he thinks Adrian might be involved in practices that he deems unsavoury. When there are crimes reported in the local area, Howard picks up the phone and 'tips off' Neighbourhood Watch about the fact that Adrian is an Abo and probably did it since he obviously needs money.
'You're such a racist.'
'I'm sorry you feel that way but I guess being a single mother, it's no easy journey for you and you better be careful of folk like Adrian. They'll take advantage of you as soon as look at you.'
It's his absolute ignorance to his own prejudice that gets my shackles up. His wife regularly goes to 'stay with friends' She's going crazy actually. Trying to be a good christian wife, nurture her pervo son and pander to the demands of her self-righteous husband. But apparently, that is much better than being a single parent who gets along with their kids for the most part, nothwithstanding the everyday teenage crap.
'Honestly Howard. I get offended when you come here slandering Adrian. I know him and he does the best he can with the way he's been raised. He means no harm and keeps himself to himself. He doesn't go door knocking spreading gossip and rumours around about his neighbours like some people.'
So it's a big speech and any normal person would have either taken offense or apologized and left. But not Howard. He scrutinizes me for a moment.
'What's happening with you? Are you ok?'
'Of course I'm ok! I just don't like to indulge in slagging folk off.'
'Well I don't agree with it either. I was just telling John how when I rang Homeswest about Adrian that they wouldn't even tell me whether he has been paying his rent or not. At first I was annoyed because if he isn't then I can apply for a conviction order and get you lot to sign a petition but on second thoughts I decided it's probably better if I don't know at the moment because I don't really have quite enough proof to put my application forward so I think I'll just wait.'
Has the world gone stupid? Does Aspergers have anything to do with this *******? It probably doesn't but because he uses his prejudices to dictate his behaviour, I figure it's only fair to give it back.
'You're not a full quid are you? I mean you've got one of those awful conditions that make you a social outcast. Gee that must be so hard to live with Howard, knowing that nobody really likes you.'
For the first time, Howard takes his right hand from between the buttons of his shirt and looks at me. I return the gaze, deciding that I'm up for telling him just what I think of him. Finally, he smiles sympathetically.
'It's alright. I heard you've been in Alma Street recently. I suppose that's when your daughter started playing up. It's a shame she isn't doing anything worthwhile with her life but I at least hope with a mentally sick mother, she helps you round the house.'
Honestly! Nothing sinks into this guy's twisted brain. Anything I say which could be construed as insulting is dumped squarely back on my shoulders because I've got problems. I'm itching to leap out of my chair and tell him to get lost but he rattles on while one of his dogs takes a leak on my plants.
'Did you know Irene down the street was there once too? When I told her about you she was worried. You should get to know her. She's actually a member of our congregation.'
'You know what Howard? I don't want to know anyone who is part of your congregation. Now if you don't mind, I've got things to do.' I rise as if to go back into the house but Howard doesn't notice.
'So apart from your general troubles, is life treating you ok?' His dogs start yapping when they see my cat but he doesn't move from my porch and waits patiently for an answer.
'Goodbye Howard.' I reply as I retreat inside and close the front door. My heart is beating so fast and I'm actually shaking. He calls out to me.
'I'll come round tomorrow. There's some pictures of Adrian's family I took with my phone that I think you'll be very interested in seeing.' Finally he walks down my driveway, across the road to number 27 where an old lady is watering her lawn. I imagine he will fill her in with the latest about me and Adrian while probing her for info so he can pass it along to the next property he walks past.
Inside, I make a cup of tea and berate myself for being so rude. Not because I don't want to hurt his feelings but because it's like a poison overflowing in me.
I make a mental note to visit my mother tomorrow evening and tell her all about my neighbour Howard.