Galactic
10-02-2011, 10:19 AM
Just looking to get some feedback on style, tone, etc. I don't have much done yet, but it's a work in progress.
At first glance, the road seemed endless. It wove in circles, disappearing out of vision and then reemerging suddenly. What trees lined it were growing bare now. A few golden leaves hung to the lower branches, but its silhouettes in the sky were nothing more than sparse twigs. The road itself was cluttered with a sea of browns and reds. A breeze would occasionally pick up, sweeping the leaves into a massive wave. The same breeze furled my hair up with it, masking my face from chilled autumn air. The boots on my feet were a size too big and made walking difficult. They dragged across the ground, crunching the foliage into a fine powder. Folding my arms across my chest, I managed to hold my sweater closed and press on down the path. The sun, now a bright orange, was slipping below the horizon quickly, and it would only be a matter of minutes before twilight fell upon me.
It seemed the faster I walked the longer the road became. A mile had passed, then another, and I was still no closer to town than I had been before. The temperature began to drop. Small plumes of smoke spilled from my mouth as I exhaled a defeated breath. The dusk became disorienting. Road signs blurred together and soon I could no longer see the pavement I was traveling. My hands trembled, my head spun, and all of a sudden the ground was pressed against my cheek. There was no more traveling to be done tonight. I curled my legs toward my chest and my arms wrapped themselves comfortably around them. I would continue on in the morning, as soon as the sun broke the sky again.
Sleep did not come easy. Passing storms had shaken the ground and stirred me awake. This continued for hours, so it seemed, and when I finally woke with dawn my body felt as if it hadn’t slept at all. A cursory glance in a nearby puddle revealed dark circles beneath my eyes and matted curls pressed against the top of my head. The clothes upon my body were soaked and torn, and I was left with little choice but to shed them. The sweater was left in a heap upon the ground I had laid, along with a pair of socks and an undershirt. Now scantily clad in a brassier and jeans, it was more important than ever that I make it back home as quickly as possible.
At first glance, the road seemed endless. It wove in circles, disappearing out of vision and then reemerging suddenly. What trees lined it were growing bare now. A few golden leaves hung to the lower branches, but its silhouettes in the sky were nothing more than sparse twigs. The road itself was cluttered with a sea of browns and reds. A breeze would occasionally pick up, sweeping the leaves into a massive wave. The same breeze furled my hair up with it, masking my face from chilled autumn air. The boots on my feet were a size too big and made walking difficult. They dragged across the ground, crunching the foliage into a fine powder. Folding my arms across my chest, I managed to hold my sweater closed and press on down the path. The sun, now a bright orange, was slipping below the horizon quickly, and it would only be a matter of minutes before twilight fell upon me.
It seemed the faster I walked the longer the road became. A mile had passed, then another, and I was still no closer to town than I had been before. The temperature began to drop. Small plumes of smoke spilled from my mouth as I exhaled a defeated breath. The dusk became disorienting. Road signs blurred together and soon I could no longer see the pavement I was traveling. My hands trembled, my head spun, and all of a sudden the ground was pressed against my cheek. There was no more traveling to be done tonight. I curled my legs toward my chest and my arms wrapped themselves comfortably around them. I would continue on in the morning, as soon as the sun broke the sky again.
Sleep did not come easy. Passing storms had shaken the ground and stirred me awake. This continued for hours, so it seemed, and when I finally woke with dawn my body felt as if it hadn’t slept at all. A cursory glance in a nearby puddle revealed dark circles beneath my eyes and matted curls pressed against the top of my head. The clothes upon my body were soaked and torn, and I was left with little choice but to shed them. The sweater was left in a heap upon the ground I had laid, along with a pair of socks and an undershirt. Now scantily clad in a brassier and jeans, it was more important than ever that I make it back home as quickly as possible.