Memories

[r11]

Memories (1)

Let me take you to dance
through twists and turns of unforgettable romance,
a grasp of wrath or a bundle of jealousy.

Let the melodious and melancholic tunes give us comparison attachment to see.
As far as we try to conceive and fairly judge from memory;
so we may release and shred all things trashy.

Let me take you to dance
for being aware of history
to get the path shiny.


Memories (2)

Ah, I can't resist
that your sweetest kisses
taste as tender as the basic meaning of love is.

If I foresee it surely to be the pills of my wrongdoings for you,
under the light of moon fable let me rain down prayers too.
For I'm convinced if there is the other holy adventure going through.

How delight it can be!
What a relief it may be!
Let me try not to add insult to injury!

[Delta40]

I like them both r11. You need to tweak some lines which don't grammatically make sense and I thought L1 in S2 was a bit bumpy. I particularly liked:

If I foresee it surely to be the pills of my wrongdoings for you,
under the light of moon fable let me rain down prayers too.

[r11]

Thank you, Delta40.. Your analysis really enlightened me. It got me to know how to economize the use of words in order to represent my feelings and thoughts directly without disobeying grammatical rules and logical orders.

I know I must learn a lot, thank you once again. I really appreciate it.