Tuesday Morning

[Delta40]

How the birds chirp a symphony at dawn
along with the blaring radio by my bedside.
The flyscreen is clawed hungrily by a cat
who demands re-entry to his castle
after a night of stalking in overgrown, wild grass.
The aroma of percolated coffee disturbs
my inner sanctum of harmony.
Reluctantly, I cast it to one side like a warm quilt
to greet another working day.
As the sun rises, fresias welcome the arrival
of orange hues streaked across the sky
like a long lost relative
while chickens cluck their way from makeshift roosts to the back door.
The traffic creeps sleepily past this yawning household,
and I catch sight of my tousled hair in the kitchen window.
Makeup, heels and stockings strewn across the house
ready to be collected and employed.
In the mirror, I wonder if blue eyes inwardly searching the
the aqua depths of wakefulness,
make any difference to my external outlook.

[Delta40]

I've noticed that poetry critique has dried up lately and alot of members have gone AWOL. Anyone else notice this?

[Hawkman]

To be honest Delta, I hadn't seen it, but I don't think this is your best work. It feels like a finite moment stretched too far, overworked with too many descriptors and takes a long time to say not very much. Sorry but you did ask. The poem lacks focus, I think, with all the things you list happening at dawn, that effectively ends with a glance in the mirror.

Try paring it back a bit and find the core of what you really want to say.

Best, H

[Delta40]

thanks hawk. I've lost my poetic mojo lately. I'm sure it will return.

[MystyrMystyry]

Sounds like a hectic morning at the Delta household :)

I liked it - actually it reminds me a bit of an old Bob Hope joke:

'Each day my heart pumps twenty thousand litres of blood through six thousand miles of arteries, which then makes the return journey through veins the same length, my eyelids blink abut fifty thousand times while my lungs take forty thousand involuntary breaths -

No wonder I'm so tired'

It also has the potential of The Mezzanine, in which novel the narrator walks out of his office and describes absolutely every detail in complete detail


You haven't lost your mojo - you're just discovering new things :)

[Delta40]

well thanks MM. One thing I love about lit-net: you can please some of the people some of the time....

[aliengirl]

I like your detailed description of the hectic morning because I'm going through a similar situation. Too many things to do, too many things happening around and as usual too little time to move along. Yet we move ahead. It may not sound very poetic but it reflects the reality. Thanks for sharing Delta. :)

[Haunted]

I'm so loving this piece. But totally disagree with this:

The aroma of percolated coffee disturbs
my inner sanctum of harmony.

may you pardon this caffeine addict...

[Delta40]

I'm so loving this piece. But totally disagree with this:

The aroma of percolated coffee disturbs
my inner sanctum of harmony.

may you pardon this caffeine addict...

I thought about using arouses instead but decided it clashed with aroma. You're pardoned Haunted!