College Admissions Essay

[litnetworkuser]

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[cyberbob]

I dunno exactly what college admissions comittees are looking for, but this does not seem like an essay.

This has a narrative format and would count as a story even if it's based on real events.

I mean the very end of it (the conclusion) does seem like traditional essay writing, but the rest of it, although very interesting and well written, is not.

It doesn't even have an introduction; it jumps right into the middle of the story of you lying there hurt and then sort of flashbacks into how you got there and then ends with the rescue.

I dunno if this would even be acceptable. It might be, and the admissions people might look on it favorably based on your writing ability alone and the "essay's" uniqueness, but it might also just make them throw it out.

First of all, what is the prompt? The very end of it where you say "I will do tremendous things for all of humanity, or I will die trying" looks like a typical essay answer in form, so I could guess that the prompt would be "tell of a time you have endured some hardship and how that hardship helped you grow as a person" or something in that ballpark. Either way, your answer, though very admirable, might be seen as a little grandiose by the admissions people, like you're just trying to give an answer that'll make you look really ambitious. That might be a good thing, I dunno.

For my admissions essay I had to write about a person who I admired and I chose Ron Paul, a congressman from my homestate. I got accepted to all the colleges that I applied to but I didn't apply to that many and no really prestigious ones. Which ones are you applying to?

Anyway, I'll post mine so you can compare and see what a typical student essay looks like.

[cyberbob]

This is the essay that I wrote for the college that I am currently attending. I wrote it two years ago and I'm shocked at how tiny it is! College essays are massive compared to this puny 300 word thing. Anyway, here it is:

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In his famous essay Civil Disobedience, Henry David Thoreau wrote “That government is best which governs least”. Limited government is the heart and soul of the Libertarian movement: a belief that individual freedom and personal responsibility should be the driving forces of society, and government should be there only to provide services that benefit everyone. Nobody else today better exemplifies the ideals of Libertarianism better than Dr. Ron Paul.

If there is one person I would most like to meet, that person is Texas congressman Ron Paul. First elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in 1978, Dr. Paul has since become a grassroots revolutionary. Though somewhat unknown to the mainstream public, Ron Paul has earned a massive cult-following through the internet and other unconventional channels. His die-hard supporters known as “Paulites” have helped him set several fundraising records, such as raising $6 million for the largest single-day fundraiser in U.S. presidential campaign history. Unlike many other politicians who use catchphrases such as “maverick” to promote themselves as independent thinkers, Ron Paul has proven his independence through his record of service. He is the only Republican candidate to have voted against authorizing the Iraq War, and is the only member of Congress that’s voted for such little spending that there would be no need to borrow from Social Security funds.

Ron Paul, through his staunch devotion to freedom and individual liberty, has inspired disaffected citizens who had lost faith in the political process. He has set himself apart as the iconoclast of business as usual; giving birth to a revolution through his direct actions as a Congressman and by awakening the jaded masses that’ve become desensitized by generations of broken promises and political corruption.

[author1500less]

School is over for me. Reflecting back on the admissions essay that is a personal thing for yourself, what do you want to make official.

Who is possibly going to read it, other than yourself and the admission council, if they need more evidence to accept you? Not many people.

Since it is a secret you might as well talk about what plans you will have while in school, what projects or research you have in mind, or what you want out of the college experience.

School is a big commitment, if you can write an essay that explains why school is worthwhile then that is pretty much it.

A cover letter, resume or CV is a challenge to write for a job interview. Most times you can feel like you wrote a great letter but because there is no money to hire, you won't get the job.