His Hypnotising Brown Eyes

[Niketa]

I have the pretension of telling of your non-existence,
I am going to be laughed at my stupidity and naivety,
But the proceedings of my mind is by all means, no business of theirs as I continue to gaze in your eyes, your beautiful brown eyes…
I cannot help but look as your beautiful brown eyes, so perfect in their own sense, all they seem to ask for is to be kissed and cared for, all they ever seem to request is to be shown compassion, your eyes, your beautiful brown eyes,
The glimmer in them could melt the harshest of hearts and slay all demons in a single mighty blow…
I often dream of these beautiful brown eyes, I often fear to wake up and find you gone; oh your beautiful brown eyes. That mellifluous beauty of those brown eyes…I am so captivated by your eyes, those beautiful pearls of brown.
I know neither of you nor who you are really to me. I know not of the works of destiny, I cannot foretell whether our paths are bound to meet, but I thank God for providing me with someone like you to please my sense of being, be it for a brief moment in time, so much has to be said about you, so much is still left to be said, so much is still left to do, I can tarnish page after page only to find in all that time, no of these never had the chance to match-up to a quantum of the beauty of your brown eyes.....

[Bar22do]

This, if thoroughly trimmed, could become a short little jewel. I think you need to avoid repetition (the Art of repetition is of the hardest, in poetry, imo); if you cared for more rhythm and structures - it would help as well. And then, you could do without punctuation, too.

In the sentence:

"But the proceedings of my mind is by all means, no business of theirs" -

"are" instead of "is", methinks. But perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps it goes with "business".

Still, those beautiful brown eyes did attract me as well! Just give your poem some kind of form, offer it concision, a spice,...

Best, from

Bar