Point and Shoot (Prolouge) I want to see if anyones interested in this type of story.

[TeranikaSloane]

When a gunman attacks a school it seems like a random attack, but when students start to find guns placed at certain places around the school terrified students start to attack each other. Students attack fellow students, others grab the weapons only as a means to survive. But if someone was pointing a gun at you and you had the means to save yourself wouldn't you Point and Shoot?

I looked up, the gun feeling heavy in my hands. Foreign. Like it wasn't meant to be there. It wasn't. What had happened? Suddenly, the school bell rang making Rose and I jump as we were braced to run if the moment presented itself, it was an air raid siren, a lockdown. Bit late for that. I was going through a million scenarios in my head, trying to figure out a way to get ourselves out of here. Somewhere along the way my brain switched tatics and instead of running away I was now thinking of ways to find others, others who hadn't managed to find a gun. Others with no protection. Hell had broken loose and somehow I had decided I was going to get as many vulnerables to safety as I could. Because I didn't know who to trust, I had seen a familiar face shot by another. A snap, a footstep and I was on my feet from my crouching position, my hands instinctively placed on the gun as I pointed it in front of me. I looked up and the boy who had just walked around the corner. He had a gun, but i knew him, in a way. We hadn't really talked but I knew his face. Foolishly I lowered the gun slightly.
"Whats going on?" He looked at me, his hands tightening on the gun. I noticed the subtle movement and my instincts, for reasons unclear too me at that moment, went into overdrive.
"Ever watched the asian movie Battle Royale?"
"James Bond?" I heard Rose whisper behind me. Slowly, i shook my head. A great lover of asian movies I had watched it myself. My school really had turned into hell. Then, the guy with gun moved, faster than I had ever seen someone move. But I moved with him, as though I knew eactly what he was about to do. Maybe I had. I only registered one other thing in that moment.
"POINT AND SHOOT!" It was the paniced voice of Rose, who also hadn't missed a beat of this guys actions. At the same moment as the guy I brought the gun up, hoped like anything we'd survive, and pulled the trigger.

[TeranikaSloane]

I am actually looking for comments on this :(

[Steven Hunley]

You asked so here's a response:

It's completely unbelievable. Here's why, according to Wikipedia:

Suspension of disbelief or "willing suspension of disbelief" is a formula for justifying the use of fantastic or non-realistic elements in literary works of fiction. It was put forth in English by the poet and aesthetic philosopher Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who suggested that if a writer could infuse a "human interest and a semblance of truth" into a fantastic tale, the reader would suspend judgment concerning the implausibility of the narrative. Suspension of disbelief often applies to fictional works of the action, comedy, and horror genres.

It doesn't work, and above is why. You failed to make us believe it. :dupe: You've failed to dupe us.

[Delta40]

I didn't believe the first paragraph at all. However, if you are able to put this scenario in a context that is either believable or interesting, then I would buy the survival of the fittest theory in this story but you need to give more background and help the reader understand why students in 2011 are killing each other.

[TeranikaSloane]

I didn't think of that. See the idea of the story is there is a gunman attacking a school. There is no real explanation, it seems just like a random attack except that terrified students have started finding guns placed around the school. The thing about these guns is they are placed at places around the school where it is hard to gain access to exits. One student who has a gun is discovered by the gunman. Terrified, the student shoots him dead but then turns and shoots dead a fellow student who surprises him. He is then shot dead by another student who witnessed the shootings, only he is witnessed by several other students, including the main character of this story. It all cascades from there as those students believe they don't know who to trust and act out of terror and panic. The plot is about the main chracter gathering people without guns, and trying to get out of the school. Only thing is they have to do it without being found by someone likely to shoot them, only now they don't know who that is going to be.

[hillwalker]

It's no good trying to construct a story around a plot that is so fundamentally flawed.

The fact that you don't know why the gunman is attacking the school or why the guns have been placed inside the school suggests you're not the one who should be telling us the story, does it not?

I suggest you go back to square one - perhaps students from a particular High School have been advised on a social networking site to take guns into school on a certain date (which would possibly be more likely in the US where guns are part of the domestic furniture) - and the gunman is the one who has actually initiated the message in order to wreak havoc on the school in question. Perhaps revenge for achieving low grades???

Treating the story as some shoot-em-up computer game is not going to work either. If your characters are cartoons no one is going to care about them. So why bother reading to find out???

H