The Peak

[BobbyIce]

The icebergs peak
Is an unfathomable destination
Sparkles raidiance, borrowed from the light
Chrystalline, smooth rock, it feels like
And drifts heavily, titanically, drastically,
Through the marsh of Our swamp.
Fish die beneath it.
It fractures the habitat, slays the life, replaces it with stillness.
A ferocious, tenacious stillness, so motionless,
That is seems an eye in a storm of visceral motion.
It's peak remains unreachable, in any direction.
One could not climb to the hieghts of Zion,
Nor journey into the perilous chasm of Sheol.
It is not because of their distance away, no,
Not for their treachery either,
The mountains peak, exists, only in our mind,
But is more real, than anything that we have ever touched.
More real than the beating of a heart
Than the quintillions of processes of the mind.
There is evidence
Our head tilt upward, at all times,
Because of the peak,
We run, instead of walk,
Because of the peak,
We love, instead of forget,
All because of the peak,
And yet,
We will never reach it,
It is as attainable,
As rescuing the wretches next to Jeshua on the tree,
And as touching God,
And as being God
Although,
All icebergs will melt,
As all things will pass
So shall the peak
Dirft away into the sun.

[Delta40]

I am a little confused about plural and singular in this imaginative piece. I think iceberg peaks and mountain peaks read much better. However, at times you refer to the peak as if you were only referring to one iceberg or one mountain and at the end you have all icebergs will melt. I think if you tweak it so the reader is in no doubt it will be a better poem. Our head should be plural too. Your potential is a pleasure to read and I found this poem less awkward than your previous post.

[Bar22do]

Hey BobbyIce, first, I understood that you have been reading Psalms, which is praiseworthy.
I too had hard time getting to the core and still remain a bit confused.
But from what I was able grasp (hopefully), I think the following would speak to me better (and sorry for over-trimming, it's just my subjective deciphering, and an example of what this reader can understand, and readers are many and wiser!):


The iceberg's peak is an unfathomable
sparkle of light; crystalline, smooth,
drifting with power through the swamps
where fish die.
It fractures all on its way, leaving stillness,
like - one would imagine -
Zion’s stare fixed on Sheol.

We run, love, endeavour, in vain.
We'll never approach the spark, for
who can near God?

Yet, however real, it is all only
in our minds. Icebergs melt
under the sun, all things pass.




Best regards from Bar