PDA

View Full Version : Unwanted Advice



Delta40
09-18-2011, 08:27 PM
How many times have I told you?
Well give yourself a medal why dontcha!
Look at my ears.
They're totally deaf
to veils of well meaning advice.

My thoughts and feelings matter more
than the sanctimonious garbage
that spews out of you
like a truck at a fly infested tip.
Nobody wants it except
those who hold their arms out
for you to pick and scavenge.

And when I step outside,
naked and alone,
the wind whipped rain becomes my cleansing.
Through the roaring thunder
I suffer that He might soak through
the thick leather of my skin.
Then maybe, just maybe
I will listen to Him.

Hawkman
09-19-2011, 04:41 AM
This is a cri de coeur if ever I heard one! Sorry for offering advice given the sentiment expressed in S1, but I'd change outward for out S2 L6. :) Good rhythm and a powerful punch to it.

Live and be well - H

Delta40
09-21-2011, 08:09 PM
Thanks Hawk.

Haunted
09-22-2011, 12:12 AM
I'm having a hard time with "like a truck at a fly infested tip". Otherwise it's very strong poem with an almighty punchline.