Waiting Out The Storm

[PoetTree]

I sit on the edge of our bed
watching for the aqua glint
of your old Ford pickup.
Curtains billow inward,
gauze grazing knees.
The screen door whimpers on its hinges
and the wind replies, "hush hush."

Tom paces the duvet,
narrowed eyes and twitching tail,
pawprints divoting chenille.
The wind is rising, "shush, shush!"
The sky can't hold; it breaks,
loosing drops that shine like glass.

Tom flattens his ears, hisses,
as a gust mists us in rain: "shut up!"
The cup shatters against the fridge,
showering shards of light,
terrible and lovely.

I stand transfixed among drops of glass
as you storm out, the screen door shuddering behind you.
I listen to your truck rumble away.
Tom picks his way through the fragments,
paws lifted high in disdain.
I scoop him up, carry him to our room.
I sit on the edge of our bed
watching for the aqua glint
of your old Ford pickup…

[PrinceMyshkin]

Although I relish the drama that runs through this, I'm not sure I understand the sequence of events. At first she (I assume the narrator is a woman) appears to be alone, waiting for her husband or lover to appear, but when he does (off-stage?), what prompts his fit of temper and causes him to walk out?

[PoetTree]

It's supposed to be a flashback. She's sitting there thinking over what's just happened, waiting for him to return.

[blank|verse]

This is wonderfully written - the intertwining of the natural and the manufactured (the pick-up is 'aqua', the rain is 'glass') and how the 'storm' is emotional as well as meteorological; and it's very poetically observed (perhaps too much at the expense of emotion) - but I can't help feel this would work better as a short story than as a poem. The lines are very prosaic, as well-written and packed with great images as they are.

It's interesting how the narrator doesn't name her (?) partner who storms out, but does name the dog several times (whose behaviour she imitates, by waiting obediently for her partner to return). Maybe this gives us a clue about what's upset her partner. She seems to enjoy describing the effects of the anger (the smashed glass 'terrible and lovely', which also appears to have smashed itself, as we're not told who, if anyone has done the smashing) but doesn't seem bothered about the emotion behind the cause, which leaves us with a narrator who is numb and distant, like she's gone past caring.

Interesting piece, PoetTree and one you should consider expanding into a short story.

[PoetTree]

It's interesting how the narrator doesn't name her (?) partner who storms out, but does name the dog several times (whose behaviour she imitates, by waiting obediently for her partner to return). Maybe this gives us a clue about what's upset her partner. She seems to enjoy describing the effects of the anger (the smashed glass 'terrible and lovely', which also appears to have smashed itself, as we're not told who, if anyone has done the smashing) but doesn't seem bothered about the emotion behind the cause, which leaves us with a narrator who is numb and distant, like she's gone past caring.

You got all that from my poem? Either you're very intuitive or I'm very good! You don't happen to be psychic...?

[Hawkman]

It definitely all there as b/v notes, although I thought the animal was a cat, it hisses after all. I llike this poem as it is. I think it's very, very good. I'll look forward to reading more from you.

[PoetTree]

It definitely all there as b/v notes, although I thought the animal was a cat, it hisses after all. I llike this poem as it is. I think it's very, very good. I'll look forward to reading more from you.

Tom was indeed meant to be a cat. I figured it a small quibble, but I think the aloof nature of a feline fits the poem better than the enamored loyalty of a dog. Thank you for reading it.

[blank|verse]

You got all that from my poem? Either you're very intuitive or I'm very good! You don't happen to be psychic...?
I'll take the former... apart from about pet animals, clearly. :)

[Buh4Bee]

This is so well done. I think the cat is clear.