The moon on the Mid-autumn night

[peter7805]

The moon on the Mid-autumn night

The moon up in the sky

The emotions of human beings

The light floats thousands of miles

And to the heart it clings

[hillwalker]

I'm wondering why you chose such an eye-catching font size - but that's by the by...

I get the impression you are trying to suggest the light from the moon mirrors the hopes of humanity shining over the entire globe - hopes that cling close to our hearts. But you've not really moulded these ideas into a coherent poem.

It's an outline for a poem rather than the finished article. The first 3 lines are little more than 3 individual sentences that have nothing to link them together (and a phrase like 'up in the sky' folllowing 'the moon' is rather stating the obvious).

I suggest you spend a little more time playing around with the ideas then try to expand on something else associated with your main image - the moon. What else do we associate with the moon apart from its light? The phases of the moon (which you could compare with our moods) - the tides (again potential here to include some human element) - and how the moon is always replaced by the sun (scope for further exploration possibly).

It's good that you're trying your hand at poetry but to make it really stand out you need to find a way of making it more original or intriguing.

H

[peter7805]

I'm wondering why you chose such an eye-catching font size - but that's by the by...

I get the impression you are trying to suggest the light from the moon mirrors the hopes of humanity shining over the entire globe - hopes that cling close to our hearts. But you've not really moulded these ideas into a coherent poem.

It's an outline for a poem rather than the finished article. The first 3 lines are little more than 3 individual sentences that have nothing to link them together (and a phrase like 'up in the sky' folllowing 'the moon' is rather stating the obvious).

I suggest you spend a little more time playing around with the ideas then try to expand on something else associated with your main image - the moon. What else do we associate with the moon apart from its light? The phases of the moon (which you could compare with our moods) - the tides (again potential here to include some human element) - and how the moon is always replaced by the sun (scope for further exploration possibly).

It's good that you're trying your hand at poetry but to make it really stand out you need to find a way of making it more original or intriguing.

H

thank you very much for your reading and kind suggestions.it is just like what you said,i need to find a way of making it more original or intriguing,and i am trying to express myself in english though it seems that it is not an easy thing to do till now because i am still learning this language.so please forgive my bothering.and i know my poem is not a good one but it truly mirrors my inner emotions and affections for poetry,and the things in this big world including our human beings,for the moon ,what can we think about when we are looking at it.and it is hard to say because people are different and things too,this poem may give you this impressions but it may give someone else another, the moon is the same but some of our feelings may be not.you said that the light of the moon mirrors the hope and that is what this poem gives you,and i can say that is just right, the poem is not the words on the surface itself or the meanings in the deep ,it is just something that a reader has got when he reads it,so for this poem it is lucky to have a reader,and the communication happens between the two,and for me lucky too,to have your response to the poem,and i know how you feel ,a different one in a different place .so thanks again.

[peter7805]

I'm wondering why you chose such an eye-catching font size - but that's by the by...

I get the impression you are trying to suggest the light from the moon mirrors the hopes of humanity shining over the entire globe - hopes that cling close to our hearts. But you've not really moulded these ideas into a coherent poem.

It's an outline for a poem rather than the finished article. The first 3 lines are little more than 3 individual sentences that have nothing to link them together (and a phrase like 'up in the sky' folllowing 'the moon' is rather stating the obvious).

I suggest you spend a little more time playing around with the ideas then try to expand on something else associated with your main image - the moon. What else do we associate with the moon apart from its light? The phases of the moon (which you could compare with our moods) - the tides (again potential here to include some human element) - and how the moon is always replaced by the sun (scope for further exploration possibly).

It's good that you're trying your hand at poetry but to make it really stand out you need to find a way of making it more original or intriguing.

H

for this poem, i would like to say something about my feelings in the beginning when i first wrote it . first about the title, the moon on the midautumn night is not that common thing as usual for chinese people all cross the globe.and it is not only the hope thing. it is all the things inside the chinese nation's spirit. it contains all the emotions of humanbeings for the chiese people so ,when we look at the moon on the midautumn night we think about our family and the people we love no matter where we are.we think about the past and also we look into the future. some enjoy the happiness that the moon brings to them and some enjoy the tears , the missing .the laughter and the pains is just like the moon ,it is sometimes incomplete and sometimes full,somtimes cloudy and sometimes shining in the sky and our life is the same.for all of this ,the chinese people can feel but others can't , so i think poetry can not be universal like the cocacola and potato chips. it just belongs to a certain people in a certain culture background.thanks anyway for your reading and understanding again!hope you healthy and happy everyday!

[hillwalker]

It was interesting to read the significance of the mid-autumn moon to the Chinese - perhaps that is something you could subtly introduce into the poem to make it seem more real. How some people who look at this moon have happy memories, but others shed tears yet still welcome the opportunity to remember loved ones no longer here.

H

[YesNo]

for this poem, i would like to say something about my feelings in the beginning when i first wrote it . first about the title, the moon on the midautumn night is not that common thing as usual for chinese people all cross the globe.and it is not only the hope thing. it is all the things inside the chinese nation's spirit. it contains all the emotions of humanbeings for the chiese people so ,when we look at the moon on the midautumn night we think about our family and the people we love no matter where we are.we think about the past and also we look into the future. some enjoy the happiness that the moon brings to them and some enjoy the tears , the missing .the laughter and the pains is just like the moon ,it is sometimes incomplete and sometimes full,somtimes cloudy and sometimes shining in the sky and our life is the same.for all of this ,the chinese people can feel but others can't , so i think poetry can not be universal like the cocacola and potato chips. it just belongs to a certain people in a certain culture background.thanks anyway for your reading and understanding again!hope you healthy and happy everyday!

When I saw the title of your poem, before even opening it, I thought of the moon cake we ate last Monday. I'm not native Chinese by my wife is and I don't really understand the holiday. As far as a food goes, moon cake reminds me of Christmas fruit cake but made in smaller, round pieces -- like a moon I guess. It tastes better than fruit cake, although really enjoying the taste may need to be acquired.

Your poem is short like those old Tang poems. You might try adding more ideas you mentioned above into the poem yet still keeping it short.

[qimissung]

I do really love the last two lines, but yes, it needs to hang together better. That is the challenge of poetry.