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ART NOUVEAU
09-10-2011, 09:24 AM
To take the light from a candle flame
Is the creation of her sorrow.
In her heart
A lifeless spirit lies torn,
Lost in a parallel existence
Wondering what could have been
If self sacrifice came to pass.
Did she listen?
PrinceMyshkin
09-10-2011, 09:44 AM
"lays" should be lies. There's a wonderful succinctness to this. and a note half of reproach, half of compassion in the last line.
Delta40
09-10-2011, 06:15 PM
Nice first post! I get lays and lies confused all the time. Either way, it still read smoothly and the question at the end is interesting as it opens the gates to infinite speculation.
ART NOUVEAU
09-10-2011, 08:16 PM
Thank You :)
ART NOUVEAU
09-10-2011, 08:16 PM
Changed the silly mistake lmao.
osho
09-10-2011, 08:24 PM
To take the light from a candle flame
Is the creation of her sorrow.
In her heart
A lifeless spirit lies torn,
Lost in a parallel existence
Wondering what could have been
If self sacrifice came to pass.
Did she listen?


I wish I were you. Do want to lend me your poetic soul for a while?
Buh4Bee
09-11-2011, 08:43 PM
This is great! Speaks directly to my soul. As Delta said, the final question allows one tp ponder open-ended meaning to the piece.