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[Hawkman]

Perverse imp, why do you command I leap
from Babel’s tower,
in whispers,
through my pricking feet,
the pulse reverberating in my ear,
as on the brink I stoop and peer at distant rock?

Why do you demand I stop the clock
and hover on the wind,
arms wide,
embracing fate, yet unable to decide
if I should fall, or not?

All is still. Time has no power here
and gravity is only a depression in a rubber sheet.
Celestial orbs, diverted in their course,
roll in decaying orbits till their light is dead,
lost beyond event horizons
and in so many words unsaid;

stubbed out, those glowing beads,
along with the condemned’s last cigarette.
The choice is made
and I obey the call.

[blank|verse]

A strange and intriguing poem, Hawk, giving a glimpse into a troubled mind that hears a voice commanding the narrator to commit suicide.

The imploring interrogatives of the first two stanzas set a fevered pitch and tone, and work very effectively.

Personally, I think you should lose the address to the 'perverse imp', which suggets Swords & Sorcery fantasy worlds rather than the real world; and particularly as it's the opening gambit, it risks turning people off the rest of the poem, which has stronger moments that deserve to be read and commented on more than at present.

I loved the second stanza's imagery of hovering like a kestrel, although wasn't sure the 'stop the clock' command of the previous line was quite congruent with this (as much as I liked it in itself). And I think I'd lose the evocation of 'embracing fate'; there's enough said, and more compellingly, without this abstraction. Keep it real, as they say.

The images towards the end, this audacious coupling of planets burning out and the condemned man's final cigarette is incredible, not least because we're back on terra firma, not in another world with its attendant security of distance. And I wonder if the last two lines could be strengthened, and be less direct? Fantastic stuff.

[Hawkman]

Many thanks for reading and for your comments b/v. Perhaps my wit hath, yet again, too fine a point :) the "Perverse imp" is a direct reference to an Edgar Allan Poe story, in which the "Imp of the Perverse" is responsible for whispering, "Jump" to those who stray too close to precipices.

This was one of those poems that came out of no-where: I was staring at a blank page, not knowing what to write and it just happened, except for one tiny alteration when I changed my to the in S1 L5. Mainly it was just fiddling with line breaks.

I wanted to stop the clock in order illustrate cessation of life as well as implying hesitation and an infinite extension of stasis.

You seem to have found a lot to like in this one so I'm quite pleased about that. :D

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

This reminded me of the falling man

[Hawkman]

Yes, Delta, I can see why it might. No conscious corelation in my intent when writing though but it does seem strangely appropriate given the occasion. Thanks for drawing it to my attention.

Live and be well - H

[MystyrMystyry]

I got the 'Imp of the Perverse' reference immediately (*buffs fingernails on lapels*) because it's a great story, though I'd have preferred to see it make a later appearance then right at the top (just me)

Not the falling man for me, but a tightrope walker with a death wish (early morning brains still in dreamland perhaps)

Good job Hawk

[Buh4Bee]

I think the second stanza is the strongest. I liked the conforming structure of the first 2 stanza, and wished the third said said less and followed the structure. BUT I think what is there came very naturally as the whole poem flows smoothly. Unfortunately for me, the references are meaningless (no lapels worn).

[Hawkman]

MM Gald you got the link with Poe :) I trust your fingernails are gleaming, but are the early morning brains in dreamland yours or the tight-rope walkers? :D

Jersea, thanks for reading and for thinking it smoothe :) Never mind about the lapels...

Live and be well - H

[blank|verse]

No, I missed the Poe reference (not a big Poe reader, I'm afraid).

But I'd still question its inclusion in the poem. The rest of it is original, and even though it's been inspired by Poe, there's no need to include it. Like jersea, I also noticed the stanza form... perhaps overall this one is a bit of rough diamond; it certainly feels like a bit more chiselling away would have produced a more valuable piece.

[Hawkman]

I can't say I'm a huge Poe reader any more either. I haven't really read him since the 1970's. Some things just stick with one though.

Personally I quite like the imp but yes, the poem would work without it but I'm not sure it would actually be better. I also agree that the last couple of lines aren't quite right. I'm going to leave it as is for the moment though and have a think about it. Thanks again for your thoughts.

LLAP - H

[Haunted]

I love the dark gothic setting, but the last stanza jolted me back to the present day with the image of a death roll inmate.

This is pure awesomeness:

Celestial orbs, diverted in their course,
roll in decaying orbits till their light is dead,
lost beyond event horizons
and in so many words unsaid

[Hawkman]

Thanks Haunted, glad you liked it :)

Live and be well - H