PDA

View Full Version : a new love



paperleaves
09-08-2011, 05:00 PM
alone, by the fireside,
aching for some
resurrection
between the pages of an unnamed novel
left for dead in an old barn
in the backyard,
I dream of it all.
you, my love,
like a muse captured in still life,
remain painted in my memories
like some great stroke elegantly fallen
from the hands of
renoir himself.
In the grasp of these distractions, I aspire to all,
to feel all, to do all, to be all.
i want to run with you
through the mazes of this Earth,
the forests, the jungles, the deserts,
and most of all,
through the passions that lay
between us.
women like me
may never come when called,
but when something moves us,
the great architect and atlas
cannot get in our way.

tailor STATELY
09-09-2011, 05:14 AM
Beautifully written.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

PrinceMyshkin
09-09-2011, 07:58 AM
women like me
may never come when called,
but when something moves us,
the great architect and atlas
cannot get in our way

is a wonderful aphorism to conclude this passionate poem. (But please consider changing "lay" 2 lines before this to lie)

Bar22do
09-09-2011, 12:46 PM
Touching, paper. Your now familiar voice.

I would split it to two independent poems, the first ending at "between us", the other starting with what Prince calls the aphorism.

These words:

you, my love,
like a muse captured in still life,
remain painted in my memories

moved me the most.

Best to you, Bar

ucello
09-09-2011, 04:12 PM
I like your poem. Enjoyed reading it. Would finish it at L21. I find the ending a bit too grand.

Delta40
09-09-2011, 06:55 PM
women like me
may never come when called,
but when something moves us,
the great architect and atlas
cannot get in our way

Absolutely beautiful! Like Bar, you paperleaves have a unique voice and let me dwell in the pool of romance without being too frothy but elegantly understated (if that makes any sense!)

blank|verse
09-10-2011, 06:48 AM
This one is so full of aching and yearning, paper, I think my computer monitor has started wilting... :)

I too wasn't so sure about the grand conclusion. The rest is so personal and lyrical, it doesn't quite hit the right note when you start 'telling' the reader about women's love in a third-person abstraction, rather than having 'shown' the strength of that passion - more convincingly - in the rest of the poem.

lallison
09-10-2011, 08:43 AM
it's really outstanding. I'm so happy i had a moment to visit. Looks like the writing here is just as fantastic as ever. Keep it up :)