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hallaig
09-08-2011, 05:04 AM
Summer’s End



Rain sparks on my phone,
little embers I imagine fizz and die
on the screen, and all roads are shut,
all channels of communication gone,
the only shift is weather tightening.
Where is happiness? I do not have its number,
though I have examples: I am drawn
to the serenity of great art, and the dresses
are good, I could quizzically smile
while a spaniel snaps at my ankles;
then there is the unhinged joy of a Greek vase,
I can be drunk in charge of a nymph,
but it seems mostly another place for me,
lodged in the half way, the gap
between the canvas and the smile,
between the bacchanal and the nymph.
Books march to conclusions, this road,
life too I suppose. In the meantime
look, an imperceptible trembling,
my orbit, below this bruised sky.

Bar22do
09-08-2011, 08:35 AM
Suble and lucid, simple and elegant.

"look, an imperceptible trembling,
my orbit, below this bruised sky"

sends us back to the initial rain spark, a bit disquieting... (but utterly beautiful!!!)

It's an exquisite poem, hallaig, I'd only lose L16 (which is repetition) and start a new stanza from "Books..." to emphasize the ending's delicate threat, in a kind of coda.

mutedresponse
09-08-2011, 02:32 PM
Loved the poem. Beautiful.

blank|verse
09-09-2011, 01:44 PM
Quite a disorientating, stream of consciousness trip this one.

And not bad for it, there's a lot of good images and lines, but I can't help feel it would have worked better had the poet sat down and thought about which ones might work together as a more coherent poem, rather than just chuck them all in and see what comes out. Unless of course, that disorientation is trying to encapsulate the feeling of 'summer's end'... but I'm not sure it does that for me.

(And I'd take out 'I imagine' from line 2, it seems obvious you would see that happen, without having to 'imagine' it.) Still, engaging, intelligent stuff.

ucello
09-09-2011, 03:54 PM
Where is happiness? somewhere in between little and great things of life, in a rain drop, or right before it falls on a surface, like:

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=famous+rain+drops&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1098&bih=577&tbm=isch&tbnid=EyTfe0QeCp6D3M:&imgrefurl=http://www.hopnews.com/page3_192.html&docid=V8FzS_4JEhvJmM&w=702&h=503&ei=6mxqTrfcAezb4QTj5KnmBA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=661&vpy=227&dur=8244&hovh=190&hovw=265&tx=134&ty=134&page=9&tbnh=127&tbnw=176&start=133&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:133.

Thanks for sharing your poem that invites musing.

Delta40
09-09-2011, 06:58 PM
It's early here and I have no idea of its meaning Hallaig but your words resound extremely well and like MM wrote in Holes, they are well kroshayed!