a soundless world

[virginiawang]

The situation in which I stood is quite awkward. I, carrying a great deal of phone cards in my bag, and bills waiting to be paid, of course not by me, either by my grandma or by the phone company, which may be influenced by the power of my boyfriend, but, I sadly concluded, must be directed by another man, I, I can hardly continue with the story here. Waiting for blood discharge again on the day after tomorrow, I feel a bit sad. It will be an unknown man this time, undertaking the dangerous task of patting my back when the blood comes. A man can do it better, because for most of the time a man is mightier than a woman, grandma being excluded. My grandma has two big palms, and she is mightier than the strongest man on earth, for her hands do deliver might excellently.
I, being a gangster without a head, must be told lies all the time, and I, as a result, feel really angry at sounds. I shut up my mouth and all the mouths of gangsters around me, and live in a soundless world now. I typed a few messages to those gangsters I know being good, but it seemed that they did not have an intention to type messages to me. At least, it is quiet now. I am really tired by noises, which are rambling lies indeed. I am somewhat afraid that I will be cut off from that world after it becomes all silent. I wish I can receive messages from some of those good ones, namely messages sent by my boyfriend soon, after blood discharge. My rambling thoughts led me to a sudden desire to do a large scale oral interpretation before I marry, to amaze my friends with my English, which is no joke. I typed out letters to many translation companies one of these days, and I am still waiting. I believe in miracles and Emerson. Once I was so disappointed with life that I thought Emerson lied. However, now I truly believe in Emerson, especially the ideas he presented in his small book, Nature. I live in a city, on the second floor of a tall building by myself. I cannot see stars from my window, because the view is blocked by another big hotel. Stars, miracles,? They are really distant to me, but yet, so close.

[Alexander III]

http://images.sodahead.com/polls/001706661/2228474288_tumblr_lcyuywnYml1qdr9hr_xlarge.png

[virginiawang]

Sitting before my desk, unable to go on with my reading, I wandered from this idea to that, all of which were in some way related to a fancy interpretation. I feel my breaths coming quickly, when my heart trembled that shook my whole frame with uneasiness. All of a sudden, my rambling thoughts lingered at one point, which addressed me the fact that two instead of one will come tomorrow to help me with blood discharge. I smiled without knowing particularly why. He will never never let me down. Perhaps they will be one strong woman and one unknown man? Perhaps they are both men? Anyway, two is better than one, according to the boss, because when one is tired out, the other can go on. When I am vomitting blood, I need might all the more when blood gushes out vehemently. It grew dark. After a few hours, I will be heading towards my dreams, which will lead me to tomorrow's everything. I want the best wishes from all my readers here. I will feel really healthy and comfortable again after tomorrow, after tomorrow.

[virginiawang]

I've been trembling for quite a while for reasons I cannot give, after I finished translating a test given by one of those companies, to which I sent my resume and a sample writing one of these days. It was a paragraph about accounting, which I never learned in my life. On the spur of the moment, I remembered what I was told by one of my professors in college who was a respectable old man, that to translate is not hard at all, that all one needs to do is to understand the original text first, and to say it with the simplest words in another language. I did my best to understand the original Chinese text, which took me a long while, and then I looked up for some terms online, to make my translated piece professional. It was finished.
I do not understand why I was given such a challenge today. I am not feeling too glad because I really do not understand what it means to offer me such a difficult test. I was given an English paragraph as a test, before I told the company in a short e-mail that I do not want it, that I must apologize, that I only do translation from Chinese to English. Perhaps I can figure out more about the current situation later on.





I should have started with my writing here a few days ago after blood discharge, to inform all my readers of the good news about myself, but the search for interpretation opportunities occupied all my time and engaged my mind almost overwhelmingly that barely left me a breath to deal with another task, which urged me all through the three days that passed, before I really start now, here at this moment. It was a true miracle.
The unknown man that came was a real hero. He signed his name on the book laid on the first floor for visitors to my building, and came up to my house, accompanied by the guard of the building. He signed his name and ID number on the booklet unflinchingly, and walked up into my house, thirty minutes before the time I agreed with the boss. You may not understand the meaning behind this act because you do not know the danger involved in blood discharge. All people fear that I may die when blood gushes out, and they are right to a certain degree, for my ill will lead me to death sooner or later, perhaps later, I hope. The strong woman who did the work twice came stealthily, wearing sunglasses, requiring me to go downstairs, by a phone call, to lead her up to my house, so that she did not have to sign her name with the guard. She did not want to be seen. I do understand the situations, so I never got angry about this act. However the unknown man really shocked me with what he did. If I should have died, he would have really got into trouble. I don't want to involve him into trouble. My boyfriend is truly great. He can always come up with ideas that make me speechless. Perhaps he is also capable and even more capable than the problem that has been irritating me for years? I do not know the situations that stand currently, but I do feel being respected. I love the feel.
The unknown man is mightier than grandma, and he really helped me with blood discharge to the point that I cannot describe my gratitude with words. I can eat a great deal and I look so pretty. It was as if it were a magic, that led me to health all at once. I tried on my pretty dress on the second day after blood discharge and felt wonderful about everything. I feel I am a star, shooting across the night sky.




I once concluded that to not discharge blood, and thus lead an unworthy life, is more than to die. I do not fear death, but I want my life to sparkle. I do not know if some of you once witnessed those in a Hematology ward, waiting for death, burping with the smell of blood, and unable to eat anything. They, for the most part received transfusion, which turned their faces a dark pitch. I never received such treatment, because I believe I am me. I am glad and I love myself.





I think I should explain more about blood discharge. I only need a few words to describe everything about it. I vomit blood. When the blood comes, the unknown man starts patting on my back with all his might. The more blood that gushes, the better I feel. After I vomit all the blood, I feel comfortable again.





I will entrust the task of blood discharge to this unknown man again, next month, I hope. I feel thanks for everyone and everything on earth, in the whole universe, all, all, because I can discharge blood.

[virginiawang]

I find myself crying and smiling at the same time now. I am bitterly choked with emotion. Tears stood in my eyes after I wrote a long letter to all the translation companies in Taiwan. It was an old professor that drove me into tears. I admire his extensive learning in literature forever. I do have words, but I do not have a wish to continue now. I am still crying and smiling for reasons that escaped me.

[virginiawang]

It is the first time over the course of many years that I earned money. I was given a Chinese article about tea, which was meant to be translated into English. Though it seemed easy when I glanced through the article at the first sight, it was done, with my utmost effort. It was not the translating work that took my breath in an instant, so much so that I wished to curse those of my enemies, though I didn't quite know how things stood by the time the translation case reached my hands. My computer broke and recovered its functions alternately, so I was led to search for a computer technical expert, and to give up the idea, alternately as well. On the spur of the moment I decided firmly that I would go to an internet cafe to finish my work, not struggling with my own computer at home. Grandma agreed to come and help by providing me with a removable disk in the shortest space of time when I was already working with one of those computers in a somewhat noisy room.
Grandma came with one of her eyes shielded because she underwent a surgery about ten days ago. She came from her home, in which she listens to and follows the directions of her son, who hates me for years. I thought it was strange and rare that she could come to my help, because for one thing and another I always feel that she loves her son better than me. Anyhow she came. I enjoy translation, which gives me a chance to play before my computer. I jumped from this window onto the next, and read whatever that came to me randomly. Perhaps it is a dictionary now, but it will be followed by an article with bright colored pictures printed on the margin of the page. Then comes the Encyclopedia and the wikipedia. Anything is likely to come when my mood leads me to whereever it flies. Random is a word I like most. To read randomly makes me so glad....I finished the work perfectly and sent it to the company last night. It was done without fail.





I can never for the life of me understand why to love one does not lead a man to respect her, but instead does everythig he can, simply to make fun of her. Grandma once told me that I didn't see through the situations that stood, could not tell my friends from my enemies, at a time when I had been submitted to a catastrophy. Grandma was right in a sense, because the reality presents some ugly facts, which I never liked to know. Perhaps it was not ugly at all? It was due to love that my boyfriend and my enemy did what they did? Perhaps I've misunderstood him?
I have no idea if I can walk into a marriage in a beautiful wedding dress, which is not big and round, the type of dress that fits me the best, because it seems really impossible now. I almost lost my confidence in him. Now I do not know what happens now. Anyhow I do not want to think. I am bad?

[virginiawang]

I was led to almost a miracle yesterday, when I finished with one of my works of translation. I learned that I really improved a great deal in my ability, of both English and translation. I was amazed and almost shocked by what I did, when I was doing my best to translate as fast as I could. I thought I had flown through my work. I did it really fast, fast. I never knew I could have reached this level, when I learned translation in college. I believe in myself and love.

I am bad, even in grandma's eyes. I left.
I only have feelings beyond words. I feel love.